Second chances
by lovinlife89
Summary: A part continuation of Drowning in you, taking place part way through when Emily leaves JJ's office.
1. Chapter 1

Second chances

This story is a part continuation of Drowning in you, and takes place part way through after Emily leaves JJ's office. It would make a lot more sense to read that one first! In my mind JJ never gave Will her business card so (however cute he may be) Henry does not exist.

Tried to make this less angsty….and failed.

I don't own criminal minds, but if they want to give me a job I'm all ears, even if AJ Cook just needs somebody to make her tea.

Sitting in your car you can't even comprehend how to start a vehicle, let alone drive yourself all the way home without being the cause of a road traffic accident. Opting not to be the sole source of a major collision you choose instead to sit and resolve the thoughts that are leaving you unable to think of anything but _her. _Just one look at her, a glance in to those eyes that now hold all the answers you've spent months longing for. Months in between that state of broken and whole, months spent wrapped up in the woman that you just put yourself out for. You know that as soon as she looked in to you, because she's never just looked _at _you, that she could clearly read the feelings you've spent so long running from. You know that if you were to map out your mind that _every _feeling and every thought that's passed through you these past few months all lead back to her. _Everything _leads back to her. As you sit struggling to re call a time when she wasn't on your mind, the panic you've so far staved off hits you full force.

You gave her a promise in that look, a promise that she belonged by your side, and though you have no doubt that that's exactly where you want her, you don't know how to _keep_ her there. Could you ever be good enough for Jennifer jareau? She needed you, and she'd never been afraid of showing you just how much she needed you, craved you, _wanted _you. She never once shied away from the fact that you were her _everything_. While you've been sat on the side lines talking yourself out of any situation that could potentially lead to her being yours, she'd been making you _hers_. You blink away the tears forming behind your eyes, you know they'd never fall, but then again you know that if anyone could get that reaction from you then it would always be her. You realise you're running again, already focusing on ways to let her down gently and spare her the hurt you're undoubtedly going to cause her.

You resent your cowardice. Just twenty short minutes ago you were erasing that pain from her eyes, you were taking the lead, showing her that you could be everything she needed you to be, and now, sat alone in the car you still haven't started, you know your next actions will put it right back there. You'd pushed and she'd broken right alongside you, and now you'd begun to pick up the pieces you were already planning on ways to destroy her again. You loathe the destructive streak that has haunted you throughout all these years, you are ready to sabotage the greatest thing in your life, and you realise that's all you've been doing _all along_. She deserved better but she didn't _want _better, she'd given you the hope that you could finally step up, be everything she needed, because you were already everything she _wanted. _

you quickly start the engine because worse than sitting there impairing your relationship before it's even begun is bumping in to JJ leaving work and having to face what just transpired within the four walls of her office. In the safety of _those_ walls you were everything, out here within the recess of your mind, away from her where you can think clearly, you were only _something_. When had she become less than the entirety she was just moments ago? Simple; she hadn't, _you _had. You wander how long she's going to put up with this act, these walls that she was always on the edge of; for as soon as she managed to break through you erected another one, each layer more unbreakable than the last. JJ was working twice as hard to get half as far. Yet _she_ never faltered. You realise that she's going to give you the strength to break through your own walls, brick by brick, and she's going to be there to help clean up the mess it creates. And you know that at the end of it all she'll ask nothing of you, because she'll really have you, _all_ of you.

The drives homes a blur, you try not to think anymore of failing JJ, but proving her right. She'd bet everything she had on you turning your life around, and this is the one and only time you wouldn't mind hearing that clichéd saying of _I told you so_. You look forwards to a place where you can both look back and laugh on these past few months and hear those very words come tumbling from her lips, teasing you before taking your lips between hers. Snapping yourself out of your daze you smile, realising that looking forward means looking to a future, your future, _together_. No matter how far down the road you look she's right there beside you, and you know it's not the future that's your problem anymore, it's the past; and once you've struggled to put together your present that's all going to be forgotten. For any part of your life that didn't involve JJ has no place in your memories, your mind and certainly not your heart. No, she owned that, and while you weren't ready to admit it to her just yet, she had for quite a while.

Pulling in to your apartment complex you note that the thirty minutes it usually takes you from leaving the office to arriving at your door has today taken a good hour and a half. Distracted is becoming an understatement. Throwing your go bag down you head straight to the fridge, for as good as all this thinking is, a good full glass of wine will always be that one step better. Stepping in to the shower you feel the hot water wash away your day, wash away the _fears _ of today, leaving a refreshed clear headed Emily Prentiss, not yet ready to face the world but no longer hiding in the shadows of the dark, no longer hiding from _anything. _You know this optimistic mood will have run its course by the time you awaken to tomorrow, and while you aren't ready to hear the hope in her voice, you can't let today pass without reaching out to her in some way. Sure you just reached out with sex, but she deserves more, she _is _more than a fumble in her office. Picking up your phone you know you only need something simple, something a friend, hell a colleague would say. She needs to know that you can comfortably be that before you cross that line, because even though you may have crossed that line many times before, this time you're crossing it with a purpose, a _destination. _You're going somewhere, _together_. And there's that word again. The eight letters that are threatening to make or break you; quite literally when it comes you and JJ. Confidence fading, you reach for a top up before typing.

**Hey, did you get home okay? Em.** Good, simple and friendly yet letting her know you're thinking about her. If only you could tell her she's _all _you think about. That's she's all you _ever _want to think about. Panic starting to set in you take a deep breath; one step at a time Prentiss, one step at a time. You realise you've never just enquired about how her journey home was, not even after she'd been round fucking you until the early hours, hell you've never even enquired as to how her _day _was. How much did you really know about Jennifer jareau outside of the office and your bedroom?

**You know how work is, always one more file to look through; could be a long night. JJ.** She's still at work? In her office? You briefly wonder if she's still in there thinking about what transpired between you. Do you consume her thoughts as much as she consumes yours? You think back to images of her spread naked across her desk and fight the urge to get straight back in your car and head back to her. But you know that right now, she needs a friend, and you're determined to be whatever she needs you to be.

**Staring at those four walls won't do you any good. Why don't you bring your files here? Em. **And there it is, the first time you've ever reached out and willingly invited her over, not that you ever turned her away all those times she turned up at your door with a look in her eyes you could never place, was it lust or was it love? A hunger for satisfaction or a hunger for something else entirely? You know now, but even then you wouldn't have dreamt of rejecting her. Before you can even break out in a panic about what this means and where it might lead she's already replied.

**I don't want to impose on your down time em, I don't know how great a company I'd be. JJ. **She isn't making this easy on you, is she testing you to see how far you're willing to reach for her? You decide to play her at her own game and prove the worry in the back of your mind wrong; that worry that would push her away when all you want right now is to pull her close.

**Nonsense, pack up, I'll put an order in for take away and we can sort through those files together. Em. **Not only have you invited her over, you've now invited her over for _food_; that's a step above files. The last thing you want is for her to think you've only invited her over for sex, although you can't remember ever having eaten with her here either; your mother would be delighted with your apparent lack of hospitality skills.

**If you're sure? JJ. **Even after all this time she's still giving you an out, she's _still _putting you before herself. This ends tonight; she needs to know that nothing, _nothing_, is more important in this world than she is.

**Positive. Drive safe, em. **Placing your phone down it hits you; you've invited JJ over, for dinner. Is this a dinner between friends, co-workers or lovers? Is she ready to trust you to really _mean _something to her? Did you reveal enough of yourself to her in that office? Does she know what it took for you to go in there and finally pick her up, to hold her; _heal _her, does she know that in seeing through your pain to her own that you were letting her in, _really _letting her in? How much does JJ really see?

Twenty minutes have already passed with all of your questions, just when you think you've found your answers more and more appear before you. When the confusion ends will all of this one day make sense? Or will you lose your mind struggling to piece together the impossible puzzle that your life has become? You know that as long as you have JJ, you couldn't give a damn if you were able minded or not. In ten minutes the object of all your thoughts will be standing at the other side of your door, not only asking to be let in to your home; she's spent many of her nights here, but asking for a place in your life. She's going to put everything she has into that knock, and it's going to take all that you have to answer it. For the first time in months you're both taking the same steps, hell for the first time you're on the same page. That hotel room is a distance memory, logged but not forgotten, because anything that involves JJ will never be erased from your mind, and no matter how wrong you've acted towards her in the months since it's still where this is all began, for you know that if she hadn't of come to you that night, you'd still be lost in the darkness and you'd be _nothing_. Tonight you're going to show Jennifer jareau that no matter how long it takes for you to get there, you're going to get there _together_; wherever it is you're going.


	2. Chapter 2

Second chances – chapter two

Just a shorter chapter focusing on what JJ's thinking.

**Hey, did you get home okay? Em. **You stare at your phone in disbelief; you don't recall ever receiving a phone call from Emily that wasn't work related let alone a text message. You're normally the one so put together, the one with all the words, but when it comes to Emily you've never been able to think straight let alone get out a put together sentence. It's like all your thoughts come together as one; you can see straight through her but you can't see past her. But you've always _seen _her, she's _everywhere_. Even before the two of you first had sex, she'd been there, she'd _always _been there. Somewhere in you, the part not out on display for anyone else to see, the part that dealt with both your light _and _darkness, had hoped that she'd always be there. You curse yourself yet again for falling for someone so unobtainable, if it wasn't you vying for her affections you'd find it amusing how oblivious Emily Prentiss really was to anything remotely to do with feelings. Would you ever truly be able to win her over? To show her that you've seen her scars laid bare and you love her regardless, that she gave you something to cling to when it built up ready to come crashing down around you? you saw yourself in her, watching her own darkness eating away at her day by day, you thought you could save her, but six months on you're no closer to the shore than you were before that night in that small town in Texas, the night when you reached out, not sure then whether you were intent on saving her or yourself.

You could ignore it, she's spent weeks ignoring you; she can't even bring herself to look you in the eye. Do you mean that little to her that it's so easy for her to just walk away? You want to just reach out and grab her; you want to show her that where the two of you are concerned, she never has a reason to be afraid. Tonight changed everything, after months of chasing her she _finally _came to you, showed you that she's there, but for how long you're still unsure. Was this still about sex? Or has she finally realised what's been right in front of her this whole time? You thought you saw it in her eyes, but when it comes to Emily you can never be sure, you've never been _less _sure about what's going when at the same time you couldn't be any _surer_ that you want her, _all _of her. You feel like banging your head on your desk, ironically the one place she just banged you, because while it should be so simple it's all been far from it. Just when you think you're close to finally _have_ her, she's gone again.

**You know how work is, always one more file to look through. Could be a long night. JJ. **Just like your relationship, not that you could _ever _call it that, work always had another file, another case, and the two of you always had another obstacle to overcome, nothing in your life was ever complete, _could_ never be complete without her. Unlike her, you admitted to yourself months ago that you needed her, _wanted _her, and you did something about it. _You _took the first step, and you'd been taking_ all_ the steps since. Perhaps someone with an ounce of dignity would have stepped back, would have walked away by now. But something draws you back, something leads you to her door every night, something _always _leads you back to her. And for that you know you'll wait until she's ready to step out of the shadows and embrace the light, because you'd never leave her drowning in the darkness.

**Staring at those four walls won't do you any good. Why don't you bring your files here? Em. **She could have stayed, she didn't have to fuck you and run, you know that this time was different, this time held the hope of something _more_; that if you were in her bed and not work you were sure she would have stayed until morning. Because more than fucking her all you wanted was for her to be there when you woke up, but as time went on that slipped further and further from you. If she stayed she was accepting that you had come to be something, accepting that you _deserved _a part of her life. You thought you did, but you've come to question everything since. She's never invited you over, not that she's ever turned you away; perhaps that's part of the reason you go back. But you can't get your hopes up; you know the only thing that keeps you going is not expecting anything from her.

**I don't want to impose on your down time em, I don't know how great a company I'd be. JJ. **Even now you still give her the chance to reject you, you're starting to jeopardise yourself and you're struggling to recognise the person you've become. She's never promised you anything, yet she's become _everything_ to you. You chuckle out loud to yourself; love really does make you lose your mind. You tell yourself that if she still wants you after you've given her an out then you're going to take it and run with it, tonight you're going to make sure Emily Prentiss knows exactly what you want, and if she's willing to give it to you. reserved, observant JJ has gotten you nowhere, it's time be forceful, if she doesn't know what she wants then you're sure as hell going to show her. You're done with this song and dance, you're done with her fucking you senseless and barely acknowledging you after, you're through with sitting back on the side-lines and waiting for her to realise, and you're done with _loving _her and having to _leave _her.

**Nonsense, pack up, I'll put an order in for take away and we can sort through those files together. Em. **Emily just offered you food; you struggle to remember a time where you ever ate anything but each other. Is this a date? Is she expecting you to fuck her and go? Your earlier confidence waivers as the uncertainty sets in. The story of your life, you're so confident when you're with her, but as soon as she's gone again, because she _never _stays, it seems to leave with her.

**If you're sure? JJ**. The real question is, are you sure? Does she really love you? And if she can't admit that now could she ever in the future? Does she even see a future with you in it? You close your eyes and all you see is _her_, your dreams when sleep comes are all about _her_. You haven't been so consumed with anything since your sister's suicide, where you sat up for days re reading that note, so casual like she was just popping out for fucking milk. You don't let people in, you don't get close, you could never handle someone walking away, but with her all that goes out the window. She's made you somebody again, yet at the same time you don't recognise whose staring back at you anymore. She's creating you at the same time she's destroying you, and you aren't sure if it's the pain of letting go or embracing on to something new that's hurting you now.

**Positive. Drive safe, em. **Maybe it's time you answered these questions together, because apart you're slowly unravelling, and while you know Emily has never been whole you're determined to complete her, _because she completes you. _You pack up your files, and take once last glance around your office; something happened here tonight, it was the end of the merry go round ride you've been on for the past six months, it was the end of the heartbreak, it was the end of endless unanswered questions, it was the end of waking up _alone_. Because you know waking up beside Emily you could face anything, her fears, your own; because though you hide it well they still haunt you. _Together _you're both going to face the _answers_, no matter what they might be.


	3. Chapter 3

Second chances – chapter three

There it is. The call you need to answer, if not for yourself then for her; you can't give her hope and then take it away again moments later, that's all you've done lately, _you're _destroying her and if there's nothing left what will become of you? That thought pushes you forward as you hear it again. _Knock knock_. Calm, even beats. Is JJ just as composed on the other side of that door? All that stands between you now are a few inches of solid wood, so simple to break down in the shadow of the real walls that separate you so entirely. You reach for the handle just as you did a few hours ago in her office, with a _purpose_. You were leaving her then, but you weren't running.

_Knock knock_. You glance through the peephole to try and get a read on her, you know when you open this door everything's out there, and everything's going to _change_. You should be welcoming change, embracing it, _loving_ it. But you're still holding back, you have her here, she's really here, just for _you, _and it all feels too easy; ironically when this whole thing has been the hardest thing you've faced. You'd rather open that door to an unsub with a .45 pointed right at you than the loving woman you're faced with. Looking at her lately has been like staring down the barrel of a gun, but you know that while being shot would hurt you, she'd ultimately _destroy_ you. You turn away from the door; she can't be here, not tonight, not until you've locked those dark thoughts back in their compartments. An incessant pounding brings you back to the present, the present that's going to reveal the future and turn its back on the past. _You_ need this, _she _needs this. She isn't giving up, she's faced every wall you've ever thrown at her and she's never once given up. She's outside _your _apartment yet again, waiting on you. And you've let her wait long enough.

"**hey." **As always she's the first to make contact, you can always count on her to make things easier for you; yet again she's putting you first. But something's different, she's hesitant, and you realise you've never seen her act so nervous at your doorway; she's always so sure of herself when she turns up here, so fucking _self-assured_. You know your anger is misplaced, but at times you think you could really hate her for being so much stronger than you. You have enough hate for yourself that you'd do anything to protect her from you projecting it anywhere near her. So you don't give her a clear invitation in, more walls building around you faster than thoughts of her can bring them down; because in all your years _she's_ the only thing that's broken through.

"**I wasn't sure what you liked so I thought I'd wait." **You walk back from the door and hope she'll follow; never one to disappoint you she gallantly closes your front door and follows you through to the living area. You're waiting for her to choose something as simple as dinner; she's waiting for you to choose something as simple as _her_. Except JJ's never been anything close to simple; like you she's a mass of complication, darkness and vulnerability. You wave the pile of takeout menus about as if to show that that's what you've been sat here doing, and not picking apart everything about her. What does she like? Sure you've seen her eat a few times on cases, picking at sandwiches in the break room as she sips down her umpteenth cup of coffee, but in the comfort of her home what does Jennifer Jareau like to indulge in? Besides _you_. You chuckle out loud as you turn to look at her, and she eyes you cautiously with those beautiful blue eyes; still shades duller than you'd prefer them to be, but with an added sparkle that hadn't been there after the end of this last case.

You realise that she must still be struggling, that yet again you're too busy worrying about your own pain to see hers. _"If you stop caring, you're jaded. If you care too much, it'll ruin you." _That sentence will forever haunt you, knowing that she was talking about you just as much as she was the case. Just how much had your actions ruined her? You could never forgive yourself for being the thing that finally makes her break, finally _gives up_; and in that second you know you want to know everything about her. You want to _invite _her over and surprise her with her favourite meal, you want to turn up at her doorstep unannounced for once, favourite flowers in hand and a smile on your face, a smile that's all for _her_.

But for now, you need to start slow, you know you couldn't be going any _slower_; but she deserved the best, and for now that just wasn't you, but you were determined for it to be, _some day_. You needed to get to know each other, preferably away from the confines of your bedroom. Not that thoughts of her underneath you weren't so very appealing, but she wanted all of you; so all of you she was going to get.

"**Whatever you'd like Em, I'm really not that hungry." **She hasn't eaten properly in weeks, since she stopped coming to you in the middle of the night and sat up with her own demons instead; demons that you pushed her towards. Looking at her now you see that's starting to take on a gaunt look, started to look as haunted as you both felt; and again it was all of _your _doing.

"**Humour me, please." **You give her your best smile as you fan the menus out in front of her, waving them about like a mad woman. You need to start correcting all your mistakes, all the _pain_, you've been causing lately, starting with getting this woman a decent meal. Her face lights up as she quickly scans through them, a look you haven't seen in so long; and now it's there you don't want it to ever leave, _you_ don't want to ever leave.

You place the menus out on the coffee table and walk around behind her; you can see she's debating between pizza and Chinese, the cutest look of concentration adorning her face. You slowly bring your hands up to her face and cover her eyes, leaning close to whisper gently in to her ear, **"Now pick one." **She giggles quietly as she leans forward, seductively pressing her backside in to you as she reaches in front of her for a menu. Holding back a groan you smile faintly as you see she's picked up the pizza menu, realising that if you had ordered the ham and mushroom in the first place that you would've been spot on; you've seen her eat whole portions of it to herself at least several times on various cases. Your smile grows even wider at the fact you know something about the stunning woman stood before you, hands still wrapped around her face; something so small and so simple yet so significant to you. **"Good choice."** You wink at her playfully as you remove your hands, gently brushing her cheek as you do so; she needs to know that you can be as gentle with her as she's always been with you.

"**I aim to please."** She laughs flirtingly back at you, and as you watch her casually sit down on the couch and make herself comfortable, at _home, _you know without a doubt that she belongs there; that she's _earned _her place to be there. You make the call to the local pizza place and stumble around your kitchen looking for something to drink. Was JJ a wine or beer person? You try to think back to the last time she'd had a drink here; again noting that your services as a hostess needed a lot of work. Beer, definitely beer, you recall the few times the team had all gone to the bar that it was always a bottle of bud light for JJ; you mentally congratulate yourself for knowing yet another small fact about the woman that at this moment in time was making herself very at home in _your_ home. Dumping your used wine glass in the sink you head back in to the living area carrying two beers to see JJ feet up mindlessly flicking through the TV channels.

"**Make yourself right at home." **Again you teasingly wink at her, briefly wondering where this light hearted side of you is coming from but welcoming it wholly; tonight isn't about worrying about tomorrow, tonight is about right now, this very moment where JJ is here and she's _yours_. Not that you want to own her, no you want her to become a part of you.

"**Oh I will."** She winks right back, she always did give as good as she got. She never backed down, she never walked away; before your train of thought can once again de rail into negativity you walk over to the DVD shelf and begin scanning for something appropriate. It hits you that once again you've no idea what kind of movies JJ likes; you aren't really one for the romance genre, although you could sit through a romantic comedy without complaint given the right amount of laughs, you know of enough evil out there in the real world to ever be scared by a horror film, nothing could scare you more than what you see on a daily basis. No, that isn't what scares you anymore, _she _scares you; she both terrifies and intrigues you, she holds the power to end you yet she never does.

You're broken from your thoughts when you feel two hands lightly brush up your back and round to cover your eyes, as you feel JJ step closer pushing her chest flush with your back, gently nibbling on your ear lobe before whispering seductively **"Now agent Prentiss, just pick one."** You momentarily forget how to breathe with her so close, so near yet still so far; you haven't even begun to answer the many questions you have, and to face the reality of hers, and that needs to be addressed before you can even think about taking her upstairs and really making her _yours_.

A knock at the door brings you back in to the room, and you laugh at how quickly you run to answer when something so perfect isn't stood waiting for you. You put some distance between you as you return to the couch, two pizzas in hand and a couple more beers, and sit down to watch your pick of Bridesmaids; having already seen it you know you can afford to be distracted. You need words, _any _words but it's so hard to bring any to a place that before today didn't need a single one. You eat in silence but it's comfortable, it's _always _been comfortable, although you've always been doing something that didn't require talking. You quickly try to get your mind out of the gutter and focus back on the movie before you get too flustered, you didn't bring JJ here to have your way with her, you bought her here to show her that she can have you any and _every _way; _all _of you. She'd had your body numerous times, now you were showing that your mind and eventually your heart could be included in that package too, that you trusted her to have it all. Not that you were doing an outstanding job of showing just that, but nothing was going to change overnight; this was going to take time and patience, a world full of time and patience. And you know that's the one thing JJ's always been.

Glancing over to her you see she's not paying an ounce of attention to the movie, her gaze is focused solely on you, eyes boring right through to your very soul yet again. You've missed that look, in these past few weeks it's been nothing but an empty glare; and you can't bear to be on the receiving end of that ever again. She tilts her head slightly to the side before asking quietly **"what are you thinking about?" **You, always you. But you can't bring yourself to say that out loud and instead lean back in to the couch and just take her in; she's so beautiful, and she's here and she wants to be _yours_. You want to tell her that you've been hers for so long, that if she left now you know you wouldn't have the strength to carry on, that if she could crawl inside your mind she'd realise she was _always_ on it.

She must have read the hunger in your eyes as she leans closer, close enough that you can feel her breathe on your face. **"Did you mean it earlier, in my office?"** Again it was said barely above a whisper, but you hear her clearer than you've ever heard anything before. She has her own questions she wants answering; and yet again she's not afraid to get her answers; she's the strength to your weakness and you're afraid that nothing you say right now in that moment would do all your thoughts justice.

You continue to stare at her as you softly push her hair out of her face, you want to see her eyes; the only eyes you've ever wanted to look into. Before you can get lost in the blue that threatens to take over everything you look straight at her and nod; firmly, assuring her that while you can't find the words, one day you _will_. One day you'll find _everything_, simply because she'll be there to help you find it. She smiles so hard it lights up her entire face, eyes sparkling the depths of the ocean; only this time you aren't afraid of drowning, because you know you're dancing on the shore.

As she pushes forward her mouth collides with yours and you've never tasted anything so god damn perfect; you've never felt anything quite like it. The sex between you had always been passionate, never lacking that fire and hunger, but this, this was like nothing you'd ever felt before. It was as if finally letting her in had made way for a different sort of passion, and as all coherent thoughts started to fade and JJ took over, you realise it feels like_ home_.


	4. Chapter 4

Second chances – chapter four

**Again just another look at what JJ is thinking.**

She didn't come right out and say it, but as her tongue requests entrance to your mouth you realise it doesn't matter, _nothing_ matters right now but her. Neither of your questions exists here, and the answers, well you still aren't entirely sure where they lie. Your tongues move together with a fever that only two people who want each other more than anything can produce; but it's never been a question of wanting, simply _needing_. You were taking her invitation here to mean just that, that she needed you that she'd _always _needed you; even if she didn't know it back then.

A soft moan urges you forward as you move to gently straddle her lap, hands coming up behind her to wrap themselves in her dark hair, to wrap yourself up in everything Emily. There was a new tenderness to your actions as you stopped momentarily to gaze in to her gorgeous brown eyes, to take her in, _all_ of her; not that you hadn't always been tender, hadn't always being making love to her, but now you didn't have to hide it. She surprises you by leaning up to place a light kiss on your nose, then by the side of your left eye, doing the same to the right. With one last kiss to your forehead she delicately places her lips back against yours for quite simply the most loving kiss the two if you have ever shared, so quick yet so full of meaning, of _promise_.

She smiles up you at you so affectionately, and if you weren't already hopelessly in love with the woman in your arms you'd be falling faster than anything. The desire for her hits you again full force as you once again take her lips between yours , running your tongue along her mouth you move the two of you into a laying position on the couch, gently running your hands up and down her sides. You've touched this amazing body, this amazing _woman_, more times than you ever thought you would; each stroke, each caress, each kiss and each moan it earned in response engraved in to your memory, you could simply never forget anything about Emily.

You move from her mouth down to her neck, biting down with just the right amount of pressure, you always assumed Emily was the kind of girl to like it a little rough; but you'd never willingly hurt her. No, you know you'd destroy anyone that ever tried. You gently suck on her pulse point and smile in to her neck as you hear the gentle moans coming from those perfect lips. You move back up to her mouth as you kiss her like there's no tomorrow; and if there isn't you know you most definitely want this to be your last memory of her, of _anything_.

Your hands move to slowly unbutton her shirt, and you stop to once again stare in to her eyes, a moment so intimate that your hands start to shake. You've always been so confident when it came to her, possessed such an assertive attitude as you undressed her and claimed her as your own, but she's never really been _yours_, not now, not until this moment. You've always been so certain that this is what you wanted that you never stopped to think about how it would feel getting it, and it's over taken you like nothing else. She's never looked at you like she is now, and you still can't place it; but you know it's a look you want to see every day for the rest of your life. Drawing strength from her gaze you finish the task at hand and remove her shirt, carelessly throwing it over the couch, you hope you'll be around to clean up in the morning, but right now none of that matters.

You follow the path back down her neck, kissing your way to the top of her breasts, willing and ready to break free to the mercy of your touch. You know you'll never tire of making that course down her body, never tire of hearing her breath hitch with every move you make, never tire of _her_. You kiss down to the edge of her pants, smirking lightly at her belt off centre yet again, something you'll one day tell her you find absolutely adorable as well as an incredible turn on; knowing what lays underneath it. You kiss your way back up her stomach, feeling her toned abdominable muscles twitch every time your lips make contact with her body. Your hands remove themselves from holding her in place; you know that tonight she isn't going anywhere, and move to gently cup her breasts.

Her moans are becoming louder now and you once gain meet her mouth to swallow her cries as you pull her forward to quickly unhook her bra, again carelessly throwing it behind you; not knowing how long you can continue taking it slowly you push her back down with more force, moving to take a nipple in to your mouth as your hand works alongside you. You want to show Emily how much she's loved, want to take your time worshipping every inch of her but your own need is making itself known; and you realise that if she doesn't already know all that by now then you have no place being here.

Swapping breasts your hands travel down to the waistband of her pants, making quick work of the zipper and you can feel now she's ready and waiting for you, not that you didn't know that already. You might have never done the best job of keeping her, but when you had her you always played your part well; but you never did understand how you could make her feel things no one else could even comprehend and she'd still be gone by morning. Distracting yourself you pull her closer to you at the same time she tries to flip you both over, ending in the two of you tumbling in a mass of limbs to the floor.

You look over and watch her chuckle, a god honest heart felt laugh that you don't ever recall hearing from her, not even when watching her interact with Garcia, who you know could warrant a genuine laugh from just about anybody. She looks at you, her whole face lighting up as she slowly crawls up your body in just her panties, and before you can continue on where you left off her mouth is covering yours and her hands are all over you, you feel her _everywhere_. Her lips brush down your throat as she gently nips and sucks along your pulse point, only breaking to pull your shirt up over your head.

Once again her lips are on yours, tongues dancing so tenderly you have to stop and look just to check that it's really her; though your eyes quickly close again as she removes her lips from yours and begins making her way down your body. You're so lost in her that you don't realise she's already removed your bra until she's taking a breast in to her mouth just lightly biting down to elicit a series of the smallest of moans from you. You know you won't be staying quiet for long as her hands begin moving on the same path her lips made just minutes ago moving up and under your skirt gently cupping your wet centre, so wet for _her_. She gently strokes the inside of your thighs for a few moments driving you crazy, crazy with want for the woman laid on top of you touching you like no one else ever has before; you know you always have and always will be crazy for Emily Prentiss.

She pulls at your skirt roughly, tugging it down to your ankles and throwing it across the room; it knocks over your half full beer that was left sat on her coffee table but she doesn't stop, doesn't falter her movements; and you know she needs this as much you. In one swift move she's dragged your soaked panties down with her teeth, yanking them over your ankles with the sexiest look of desire adorning her face; a look all for _you_. You watch with a yearning as she removes her own underwear, before she very carefully begins kissing her way back up your body; starting at your ankles, calves, more tender touches to the inside of your thighs as her hands work their way up the outside; you feel your own stomach muscles twitch as her hair tickles you as she gently places one last kiss to each breast before reclaiming your lips with her own. You've never wanted anybody more and you need her _now_.

Before you have a chance to flip the two of you over she takes your earlobe in to her mouth as she whispers hoarsely in to your ear; you weren't expecting words, they're not something you've ever needed in this place. You always knew you only needed each other; that nothing said would ever do these moments justice, but with six simple words she just threw all that out of the window, she changed the game, she changed _everything_.

"**Let me make love to you."** Nothing had ever been said to you so intimately, and you know that if you died right here in this very moment then you couldn't think of a better last thing to hear; if you could only have one memory then this would be it, Emily Prentiss was _yours_.

You reach up to kiss her with such desire you think you might explode; at the same time you just barely hear your cell phone vibrating in your bag, you were so entranced in all things Emily that you'd forgotten work; you'd forgotten everything outside of her. Glancing at the caller display you know it's not going to be anything good, Hotch wants to know if you're well enough for another case so soon. You know you worried him with your last words, "If you stop caring, you're jaded. If you care too much, it'll ruin you." You know you were talking about Emily a lot more than you were any unsub. He said it was always better to care and here you were, _caring_. Did he know that his words would catapult you back in to the arms of the very thing you were questioning?

As you both gather your clothes ready to head back to the office you notice that her earlier confidence is gone and she's looking anywhere but at _you_. You know you couldn't handle her walking away not after this, not after everything that transpired between you this evening. She'd let you in, shown you just a glimpse of what she's been hiding behind, and all you want now is to clear those shadows in her mind and let her bathe in the light. It was always going to be you against her darkness, but you're ready; after all caring may ruin you, but you'd never be ruined if you had her.


	5. Chapter 5

Second chances – chapter five

You told yourself you didn't bring JJ here to have your way with her and you didn't, _this _was something else entirely; new sensations spilling through you threatening to hit you right at your very core. She's taken the lead yet again, putting your thoughts in to action; always being just that one step ahead. She should always be just out of your reach but she never leaves your side, she never leaves _you_. Yet how had you managed to walk away all this time? You shudder under her touch and she stops just to look at you; and you can see it, the _love_ in those eyes. You don't want to move, happy to sit under that gaze for as long as possible, but something needs to define it, she needs to know this moment means just as much to you as it does her. It takes everything in you to reach up and gently kiss the tip of her nose; even if what you see before you isn't reflected back in your own eyes she needs to know that beneath it all it is there. You want to laugh at the fact that in all these months this is the most intimate thing you've ever done, so simple, so _easy_, yet it never crossed your mind to do it before today. Hell today was the first time you'd even kissed her without it being thrust upon you and you make a silent plan to someday always start your days kissing her first; she deserved to put before anything else.

As you briefly press your lips to hers you realise that this is so very different to any other kiss the two of you have shared; you've never been one to believe in the fairy tale of fireworks and stars behind eyes but something here has changed. You can't quite put your finger on it but its welcome, it's so _very _welcome. And as desire takes over you cling to it, embracing it like nothing before; you can't remember feeling _anything_ like it. The casual sex between you had always been great, _amazing_, but it had never been just that had it? Was there ever a time she meant nothing to you? Because right here on this couch she meant everything. Today had stepped everything up a level, _you _had stepped up; and the intensity at this stage was just mesmerizing.

She's kissing you with a fever now; like there's no tomorrow and you want to reassure her that you have all the tomorrows she wants, that she has _anything_ she wants, that right now you'd do just about anything she asked of you. As words are still eluding you, you just let yourself get lost in the moment; that is until you feel her hands begin to tremble above you. You don't remember ever seeing any sign of her questioning herself and if anything your heart aches at the vulnerability etched on her perfect features. You're confounded between stopping all this and giving her the strength to carry on; this is the first time you've been the strong one, and although momentarily, it isn't something that sits right, doubt doesn't suit her like it does you. You'd wallow in it, get up and walk away without a second thought, but she is and always will be better than you could ever hope to be; she doesn't deserve to begin questioning all that she is. You take a moment to look at her, _really _look at her; and something passes between you both, it's like one look and she knows exactly what you're thinking, she's always been able to know _everything _from you in the small parts you let her in to see, always been able to complete the puzzle with minimal pieces.

Whatever it is she's seen spurs her forward, removing your shirt and beginning to catapult you to somewhere completely away from this world; she's never been one to do things by halves and the things she can do with those hands knows no limits. You realise that tonight was meant to be all about her and yet again it's become all about _you_. As you move to flip the two of you over she pulls you ever closer and you both land in a heap on the floor. You can't help but laugh, such a rare sound even to your own ears, for when you both reach together you fall; ironic that that's all you'd been doing for quite some time, _falling_.

With a new found courage you know that it's now or never, she needs to hear something from you to put out there what this moment means, _anything_ that lets her know that this isn't like all the other times, _this_ is in a league of its own. **"Let me make love to you."** And as she reaches up to kiss you, you know you couldn't have said anything better. Of course the minute all your defences are down would be the exact minute work would call, you love your job you really do, but this very second you're cursing the entire FBI for sabotaging your moment.

You only got back from a case a mere few hours ago, a case that threatened to tear JJ apart. A case or you? Had you done enough since then to at least begin repairing the damage? The harsh critic that is your mind begins to rapid fire questioning thoughts at you leading to you not even being able to look her in the eye as you both quickly gather your clothes, thrown lazily all about your living room. She follows you from your apartment, yet again she's following _you_, and you don't even have the courtesy to walk her to her own car, knowing that you've gone and taken two steps back from the progress you'd only just made.

Pushing your way into the BAU you throw your go bag at your desk, at least trying to take the edge of the anger solely directed at yourself. She hasn't arrived yet and you give yourself a few moments to try and pull yourself together, your personal life didn't exist here at work and the team needed your full focus; easier said than done when JJ charged in to the bull pen and all thoughts but her left you. she didn't look up to glance your way and you know you deserve much more than the cold shoulder treatment, for once you wished she'd get angry, call you out on your bullshit and make you do something about it, you definitely needed a little more than a push and as welcoming as her arms always were they weren't completely saving you from yourself.

"**Hey Prentiss, everything okay?" **You know if anyone was going to ask it was going to be Morgan, you know he's been concerned for weeks now, you aren't sure how _much_ he knows though so you opt for at least a half truth, knowing he'd see through any lie you tried to fabricate.

"**Just a little tired, I was hoping after the past two weeks I'd at least get a little alone time with my bed."** You were tired, exhausted even, but it had nothing to do with work anymore.

"**I know what you mean, I've forgotten what Clooney looks like let alone what down time is, the serial killer hotline is always a calling." **He chuckles at you in a way only Morgan could at eleven at night after surviving on two days no sleep, your grateful for the distraction and rub his arm gently before making your way to the break room, you need coffee and plenty of it. **"Seriously though Prentiss, I'm here if you ever need to talk." **You turn and smile at him as he shouts after you, mouthing a small thanks before grabbing the coffee pot. He knows you'd never take him up on the offer but he'll always be there regardless; something you'll forever be thankful for, he wasn't just your partner he was a great friend, regardless of whether you'd let him comfort you or not.

You make JJ a coffee, smiling gently to yourself that you know how she takes it, there's no time to apologise for your earlier actions and you know you need a gesture to show that you aren't completely disregarding her. Making your way round you see the team sat around with the pictures of four dead bodies projecting on the screen, two male and two female from what you can see, all appearing to be different ages and types, grateful that your working mind has kicked in and JJ isn't consuming every last thought; it doesn't look good and you're going to need your full attention.

"**Thought you might need this" **you tell JJ as you place the steaming mug of coffee down in front her and you realise that you were so busy focusing on her coffee that you'd forgotten to make your own, you smile again knowing that for the first time you've put her first, you didn't even give yourself a second thought even though you are definitely in need of a caffeine boost if you have any chance of making it through the case presentation. She glances up at you but you can't get a read on her, you know you bought this on yourself but it doesn't hurt any less, but when have you ever stopped to think about hurting her?

You quickly take a seat as JJ gets up to begin talking, noticing that yet again she's looking everywhere but at _you_; and right now you know you don't deserve to look in to those eyes.

"**Colorado needs our help, there's been a spate of killings in Westminster over the past six weeks, couples are being taken and two days later only one returned alive, traumatised and covered in blood. They're being dropped off in secluded locations along with the bodies of their loved ones. Mary Jane smith, 17, was found being held by boyfriend Joe Carlson, also 17, six weeks ago. Three weeks later Karl Daniels, 38, was found with wife Katherine Daniels, 36. Two weeks after that Linda Davidson, 57, was found with husband Clark Davidson, 60, and just today Sarah Moor, 24, was found with fiancé Peter Burg, 25. All the victims were badly beaten before being killed execution style with a bullet to the head."**

"**He's all over the map with age and gender, yet he's organised in his kills, says no traces were found at either the abduction site or dump site. Is there any connection between them?"** Reid as always jumps straight in, you briefly wonder if he's ever had anything outside of work to distract him; well anything besides his mother.

"**Local P.D hasn't found any, first couple were taken from a park, second couple were taken from their home late at night, third couple were in the car park of their local supermarket and the fourth were watching a late night movie at their local movie theatre. All were dumped in different areas of the city at various times."**

"**What about the vehicle, it says here the victims weren't blindfolded so they must have seen what they were transported in? And to where for that matter?" **Rossi, always thinking a step ahead, you know he's probably already got a good idea of what the unsubs vehicle is, and has probably even got a running profile in his head; they don't call him one the of the best for nothing.

"**Black Ford pickup, registration unknown. From what we can gather each couple was taken to a different location and kept there for just under 48 hours."**

"**I know you're all tired but this guy's escalating, he's made no attempt at hiding his face from any of the survivors so I doubt this is going to end quietly, they need us there first thing. Wheels up in twenty, we'll get a working profile on the plane before getting a couple of hours in at the hotel. We need to hit the ground running with this first thing tomorrow morning." ** Hotch is as composed as ever, you all know Haleys left him; the one person he'd given his heart to had upped and left and she's determined not to look back. You wonder how he can sit there emotion free, you know if that was you you'd struggle to know your place in the world, let alone figure out anyone else's. But is that really any different from your life now?

Yep, you really needed that cup of coffee.


	6. Chapter 6

Second chances – chapter six

You take a seat next to Reid on the plane; you know out of everyone he'll refrain from anything personal, you need to keep focused on this case. You're glad that JJ is stood out of your eye line; so much has gone on between the two of you today that perhaps a little space would do more good than harm. You know she's done _nothing _but give you space, and that it's got you nowhere so far, but you still aren't ready, and right now you're wondering if you ever will be.

"**What's the significance of the two days? I mean he has them, if he wanted he could keep them a lot longer."** You can tell this case is already getting to Morgan, he's always played the protective card well and making someone watch the love of their life get beaten and killed right before them has struck a nerve; not that we aren't all bothered by it, but out of the team it shows more in his behaviour, ever since Chicago things seem to be affecting him just that little bit more, he faced his demons and now he's ready to take on everyone else's.

"**48 hours, they give you 48 hours from when you went missing to assume that you're most likely dead. He's making it clear that he only wants one of the couple dead; the other isn't touched and is returned before anyone can start to think otherwise. While killing one he's unknowingly protecting the other, he doesn't want anyone presuming they've come to any harm. It completely contradicts the behaviour towards victim and survivor. He's organised, if he was in the middle of a psychotic break he wouldn't know what he was doing, and while there's no link in abduction sites the MO is the same; it's clear he's on some kind of self-fulfilling mission." **I look up to all the eyes of the team on me, for some reason this case just isn't sitting right with me.

"**Prentiss is right. All four of the survivors' statements conclude that they were fed and watered while their partners were beaten half to death without so much as a second glance." **You don't hear the rest of JJ's sentence as you're stuck on Prentiss. You don't remember ever hearing her refer to you by your last name, it was always Emily, and away from everyone else just Em.

"**Correctamundo my pumpkin, all victims were beaten over the course of the first twenty four hours and then shot, the surviving partner was then left with the deceased for the following twenty four hours. Autopsy report for Sarah Moor just came through to confirm it."**

"**Thanks Garcia. See if you can find any connection at all between the victims, jobs, social circles, if any of them even briefly crossed paths I want to know about it." **You watch Hotch rise from his seat, we'll have landed within the next half an hour and running on little sleep we all need to up our game. **"This guy has to have a job in either construction or security; he knows his way around abandoned warehouses and knows when people will be about. Cross reference that with anyone driving a Black Ford pickup, it's a long shot but it's all we have to go on right now. All four survivors worked with a police sketch artist but so far all leads have led nowhere. Morgan and Prentiss take a look round all the abduction sites before speaking with the survivors, Reid and Rossi you take the dump sites before working on a geographical profile, JJ and I will head down to the morgue before we even think about setting up at the station. Its 3am now, get some sleep at the hotel and be down in the lobby for 7 sharp."**

You hadn't even noticed you were due to land; the only thing you could think about was how you couldn't just sit there and let JJ get beaten to death, that you'd swap places with her in a heartbeat. You know unlike your questions about JJ you'll get your answers tomorrow talking with the survivors; if you could call them that. They'd just watched the most important people in their lives get taken from them, they may have survived but what are they going home to? As you leave the plane you go to grab JJ's go bag for her, you know she must be dead on her feet, but she simply takes it from you walking off towards the waiting SUVS. You've finally watched her walk away for once and that doesn't sit right with you at all.

The next few days flew past in a blur, from working the abduction sites you and Morgan learned that while a few witnesses had seen the black truck, not a single one had seen him enter or leave. The first couple were in a secluded part of the towns largest park, for which there are several car parks and not a single camera, the second were taken from their own home around 3am, not a single neighbour heard or saw anything, the third had managed to park at the edge of the supermarket car park where Garcia did her best to work the camera angle but again all she got was a figure dressed in black, a hooded sweatshirt masking his face. The last were the only ones in the movie theatre at that time, the clerk recalled selling a ticket to a "scruffy homeless looking dude" but never saw him enter or leave the venue.

Talking to the surviving partners you did learn that the unsub was calm and methodical, he lured them in to his truck with a gun threatening to kill the both of them, before taking them to abandoned warehouses before telling them who was going to die. He told the one chosen to live that he was showing them that they didn't deserve them, and if they did then they'd still be there with them. The pattern was exactly the same, he'd beat them to a pulp at regular intervals, let them have their last words before shooting them once through the head. He then left the couples alone for twenty four hours before driving them both to another warehouse before taking off; but not before telling the surviving victim he was sorry for their loss.

It was those words that were his downfall, through that we could profile that he'd gone through a great loss of his own, and with Garcia's exceptional computer detective skills we found one Ryan Lambert, part time security guard and independent electrician who just three months before had watched his girlfriend of five years beaten and shot in front of him after a robbery gone wrong. We'd found him in his apartment clutching a picture of her shouting about how they all deserved to know the truth. He'd had the thing he cherished most in the world taken from him that night and he was determined to destroy everyone else's worlds so they could feel his pain.

Something deep inside you identified with him, he'd put himself out there, got his girl; and then he watched his very world get pulled straight out from underneath him. Which is why even though all four victims had identified him you still asked to go in and speak with him. JJ had barely spoken to you in two weeks, though as always you were both ever the professionals around the team. It would be funny if it didn't hurt so much; how she was right there for anything work related but so out of your reach for anything else. You'd no idea how to fix it, and as you sat watching Lambert through the glass you realise that if anything were to happen to JJ right now you'd fly off the rails, let alone five years' time when you'd built a whole life together. You'd always wondered how different you were to the monsters you hunted down, you spent your days thinking like them; could that be the catalyst you needed to push you to act like them too? You had darkness, _so much darkness_, buried deep down inside you that you needed to know if you could become like that one day; more importantly you needed to know if anything could _ever_ make you turn against JJ.

You enter the room with confidence, he sits straight ahead staring off at the wall that at the other side you know houses Hotch and JJ, the rest of the team packing up ready to go home and start all this again; all this destruction, all this pain, this was your life.

"**Mr Lambert, I only want to know why." **You're a master at interrogation, can play even the most sophisticated, twisted minds right in to your very hands, but one look at him and you opt for the simple, honest route. You haven't come to get in to his head, confession or not he'll be spending the rest of his life behind bars, and yet you can't help but feel something for him.

"**I see her you know, I see her everywhere. I flashback to when we first met, how infatuated we were, never spending a minute apart. I couldn't ever imagine loving anybody like that; I know I'll certainly never love anybody else like it. They told me it was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. But they'd never lost anything; they'd never felt that utter pain of watching your whole world take their last breath right in front of your very eyes; so I set out to show them. To show all those happy couples what losing something really meant, what losing something so precious can do to you. Love destroys you, rips you apart at the seams, and it fools you in to believing that feeling; that feeling of being able to do anything, it lets you think it'll last forever. I'm just showing them that they're wrong, it's always better to have never loved, because without it you'd never have a reason to lose control."**

He's so calm as he talks to you, so open, like he hasn't just killed four innocent people. Like you haven't just spent the past two weeks hunting him down, waiting for him to slip up and make a mistake; which he never did. He'd refrained from taking another couple while you were here, which had led to a waiting game; the sort of game you despise, waiting for somebody else to die so you can prevent anyone else from being hurt, so you can get justice for those that were and for those that were left behind. You know that if you had found him with another couple that he wouldn't of come down easily, that it would've been a shoot off, and you're just grateful that no one else was put in harms way. Would you have put him out of his misery or would you have bought him in to face what he'd done?

"**Luckily for you where you're going there's definitely no love lost." **you aren't sure whether you're taunting him or offering some sort of twisted comfort.

"**Tell me, have you ever loved anything?"** His question catches you off guard and you don't even have time to think before you look up to the glass window and shake your head. You've forgotten where you are, forgotten that JJ's standing just the other side of that glass watching you reject her all over again. But this isn't a rejection; if this is love then you don't want to associate admitting it for the first time here like this. If this is what love did to people then you don't want it, you want _more_ than that. Lambert could have taken that bullet, could have given his life for the one he cherished so much, _that was love_. Did he even try? You wanted to be so much more than what he was, what you and JJ had couldn't even be put in to words, you _literally _couldn't describe it, but if it was love in his sense then the two of you didn't share it; for you wouldn't of hesitated to take her place should someone ever come to harm her.

"**Then you'll never have to bear the pain of having it torn from you. I'll spend the rest of my days haunted by a memory while you're free to live your life free of such tragedy."**

You look back to the glass to ensure that JJ understands your next words; she's always been able to read you so well. **"Did it never cross your mind to take that bullet for her? See according to you love means letting yourself become nothing without your everything, but to me love means giving everything to save it. So in your sense of the word no, I have never loved anything."**

You can see from his face that the girl he claimed to love he never thought to save. And you know that your next actions will leave him thinking of only that for the next sixty or so years he sits rotting in jail. **"She was pretty."** You slide over the picture he was clutching when you found him and exit the room, question answered.


	7. Chapter 7

Second chances – chapter seven

You strode out of that room head held high, marching straight past Hotch and JJ and out in to the precinct, you hope she knows you aren't running this time, that for the first time in your life you're walking towards something. Sure the baby steps and the pace you've set could hold you back, but you're on your way and you know that nothing, _not anything_, is going to make you retreat any further. Packing up the make shift desk you've been working from you look out to the reception and see Katherine Daniels sat watching as everyone worked. She looks broken, like everyone you come across in cases like this there's no emotion, people pass the point of sadness to just become _empty_. You know nothing you say to her will ever take away the pain, but you walk over regardless.

"**Mrs Daniels? May I help you?" **she doesn't look up and you're unsure if she even heard you. Thinking it best to leave her to her thoughts you head to turn back around before her voice stops you in your tracks.

"**That's it isn't it. My Karl's gone and you get to pack on up and head home. You might have caught him agent but what I do now? What do I tell my two little girls who've been asking every day for their daddy? How do I step foot in the home, the life, he and I built together when there's no together anymore?" **The pain in her voice has you so captivated you haven't notice JJ walk up to the two of you until you see her place a hand on Mrs Daniels arm; you know that that touch could take away all of your pain and you only hope it offers some comfort for the shattered woman before you.

"**Mrs Daniels I can promise you that that man will pay for what he did to your husband. I know nothing I can say now will take away any of what you're feeling but you've got two little girls who need you, they have to face the tragedy of losing their father; don't let them lose their mother to." **She speaks so softly, so reassuring that you feel your chest tighten.

"**Can we call anyone for you?**" you know she needs to get away from this place, get home and begin to piece her life back together; if only for the sake of her daughters. You think that perhaps she'll be any empty shell for the rest of her days, but she'll plaster on a smile and carry on for her children; that's what you did as a parent, carried them and carried on regardless.

"**Are you married agent?" **You can see where this is going and you want to wrap it up quickly, yet again JJ is around waiting on answers you're not sure she's going to like.

"**No ma'am." **Definitely not.

"**Ever had somebody in your life you wanted to marry?"**

"**No ma'am." **You'd never thought ahead to marriage, you'd seen your own parents fail at it and felt that you yourself could never do that to another person; marriage seemed to bring out a side to people that was kept well hidden before.

"**Ever have somebody in your life that meant something?" **And there it is the million dollar question. You know you've never had anyone meaningful in your life until now, that no one ever came close.

"**Not until now ma'am no." **you couldn't bring yourself to outright deny it, the woman beside you means more to you than life itself, and most definitely more than anyone that's come and gone from your life in all the years before.

"**If they're the one for you then one day you'll want to marry them, hell one day you might even go through with it. And when you do, take the time out every day to just enjoy it. Karl worked so hard to build a life for us that we forgot to stop once a while and just savour it; those are the moments you treasure the most." **With that she was gone, walking out of the precinct without as much as a glance back. Could she see that the one for you was standing right next to her? Were her words for you or herself?

The teams all in high spirits as you head back to the jet, another case solved, another unsub caught. You feel JJ lightly brush your hand as you walk on, intentional or not you decide to take the seat across from her, if only that you've barely had the time to look at her the past two weeks and that's not a face you ever want to forget. You watch as she gazes intently out of the window, wondering where her mind is; pondering if you've got a place in there. She smiles at you, just a half smile, and you know that you've got a way to go before you're forgiven for your behaviour of late, and for once you're willing to work for it. Willing to put everything you have in to generating a genuine smile out of one Miss Jennifer Jareau; well if you're honest, in generating a lot more than a smile.

Back at the office celebrations are in order, after your hectic schedule the past couple of months Hotch has managed to get the team a full two weeks off, an almost unheard feat in the life of a profiler. Being a Friday Garcia has ordered all of her BAU babies to the bar for a round of drinks; and after the weeks you've had you know you need more than just the one. Arriving a little later than the others you reach the team as Hotch is joking about having Garcia drug tested, _again_; the woman might be crazy, but that's certainly all Garcia.

"**I don't know about drugs but she's got enough red bull in her system to make us all fly." **JJ chuckles as you whisper lightly in to her ear as the two of you watch Garcia pull a helpless Reid on to the dance floor, this should be good; he may be a genius but when it came down to co-ordination his high IQ wasn't earning him any skills. **"Thought you could do with this."** You place a fresh beer down in front of her and hope it's enough to clear any awkwardness for the evening, this was a celebration amongst the team; they didn't need your issues dragging it down. It's been two weeks since you almost had sex, two weeks since you almost had _everything_; you know you wouldn't have denied her anything after that. Watching her now you can't comprehend how you've managed to spend so long walking away, so long questioning when you could've been living; because if anything JJ makes you feel truly alive. She still deserves more, and you know you need to go back and write and new beginning; you can't change what's been and done but from here on out she needs to know you can be a great friend before you could ever think about being a good girlfriend. You've never been _anyone's _girlfriend but you're determined to be so much more to her; determined to be everything to her as she is everything to you.

"**So Prentiss, got your eye on anyone?" **Oh he definitely knows.

"**Well Derek I was under the impression we were here for team drinks not a night out on the pull." **You hope the use of his first name hammers home how much you really aren't up for this discussion right now; he knows you won't confide in him but it certainly won't stop him trying, he can be worse than Garcia when he thinks he's on to something.

"**Give it up girl I haven't seen anyone on your arm in months; it's time to get out there. You've got the moves to drive everyone in this place wild so let's hit the dance floor and see what we get." **He wiggles his eyebrows at you to lighten the mood; the couple of times you have gone dancing with him you have ended up in someone else's bed by the end of the night, but that's the last thing you want JJ to hear. Though you've never made any promises of being together you know it would hurt her, and you're here to start freeing that pain not creating more.

"**Come play with me Em." **You lose all thought as you feel JJ take your hand in hers and pull you towards the dart boards; this is the most contact you've had since this last case began and you don't want to ever let her go. Her fingers so warm wrapped around yours so _cold; _you know you need her to put that warmth back in your soul. You want to wrap her in your arms and press your lips to hers, feel the real heat beneath, and as you see the lust in her eyes you know she won't refuse you; not that she's ever denied you anything before. You shake your head before your thoughts take on a much less innocent route; this is your chance to begin talking, _real _talking. If you can't get across what you want to say in the bedroom, perhaps it'll flow easier away from the pressures of having it all in front of you; for when a naked JJ appears you have trouble pronouncing your own name. In fact you know just being in the same breathing space as her makes you forget who you are entirely; something that's not unwelcomed, but _she _needs you to know who you are so you can work out what you are together.

"**Why Agent Jareau I don't think I stand a chance now do I?" **You smile cheekily at her, no one's even come close to beating JJ at darts in all the time you've know her, in fact most of the team have given up on even trying; further proof that when she really puts her mind to something she always gets what she wants, and how could you have ever denied her?

"**Well then, Agent Prentiss, why don't we make it interesting? You win and all your drinks tonight are on me, I win and you have to dance with me." **Yet again you've missed half of what she's saying, no-one's _ever_ said your name so seductively; hell she could make reciting the alphabet sexy. You see her smile ever so sweetly; she knows _exactly _what she's doing to you. Flustered you can only bring yourself to nod in her direction, you know if you were to look in to her eyes you'd fall apart right there and you've got a game to lose; you'll take dancing with JJ over your dignity any day.

Not that you needed to even try and throw your game, you stood no chance against her; not only was she consecutively hitting the top score repeatedly but she did everything in her power to put you off putting yourself off. Gently brushing your hand each time she passed you, bending over just that little bit when throwing her shots, standing as physically close to you as was possible, and that smile; god that smile was going to lead to the two of you doing a whole different sort of dance altogether. Through the second game she informs you that she's going back to East Allegany for her break, and you begin to wonder how long you'll last without seeing her; do you have it in you to admit to her that you'll miss her more than words can say? That your beds empty without her, that your _heart_ is empty without her? **"Well, may I have this dance?" **She holds out her hand to you and you don't hesitate to take it, this is about more than dancing, this is about reaching out to meet her; she's always gone the distance and you need her to know you're willing to meet her more than half way.

You thank whatever god is out there as you reach the dance floor and an upbeat song is blasting through, you know your will power is definitely not going to see you through a slow dance; it's already taking everything you have not to kiss her, hold her, just touch her. You begin to sway to the beat but her hand never releases yours; it's like now she finally has something to cling on to she's not ever letting you go, she'll take however much of you she can get and she'll run with it. But isn't that what she'd always done, taken the smallest parts of you and made it work?

As her hands reach for your sides you don't know how much longer you'll last, you notice Garcia glaring over at the two of you, and though she's never come out right and said it you know she knows what's been going on between the two of you all this time. Could she see how much JJ had been hurting because of you? You know she thinks JJ could do so much better, _and she's not wrong_, but JJ wants you and only you and you think that has to count for something. But does she? Could she find someone again back home, someone that wouldn't dream of destroying her the way you so carelessly have been? All your fears come breaking through to the surface as you let go of her hand, let go of _her_.

**A/N: that's the last of the angst, someone asked for romance and it's on its way! (slowly I might add)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: sorry for such a delay, I've been working everyday so I can go back to school come September, which at 23 is a little daunting! I already had chapters 8, 9 and 10 written and for whoever reviewed this story this morning you gave me the push to write chapter 11 today and get it all posted, so this is for you! I still don't own anything to do with criminal minds, if I did I'd be a much happier lady :D **

Second chances – chapter eight

You don't know what you're doing here, only two nights ago you left her _again_, left her with yet more questions and yet again you didn't have anything to answer them with. You should have apologised, told her that she could always have one more dance, but you've never told her you're sorry for _anything _and if you're going to begin it needs to be for something more than that; she knows you can promise her all the dances in the world but that doesn't mean you'll be there to see them through. So here you are, four am sat outside her door. You haven't come up with anything good enough to say so you hope that being here represents everything left unsaid; that it begins to show that you _can _be there.

You know her flight leaves for Pennsylvania at half six, you also know she's the other side of that door last minute packing; if that "organised chaos" she calls her office is anything to go by finding something in her closet was most probably an all-night job. You've never been to her apartment and you've never been as nervous as you are in this moment, is this what she felt like all those nights waiting for you to let her in? Was she under any doubt that you would? Before you even have a chance to think about knocking her front door flies open and you come face to face with the object of all your thoughts over the past couple of days,_ not _that she isn't always in there somewhere.

"**Emily what on earth are you doing here at half four in the morning?" **You know she's pissed, you left without a word Friday and you've made no attempt to contact her since, she even called you last night and you haven't even bought yourself to listen to the voicemail; you could never have it in you to hear her giving up, giving _you _up. Not that you could ever place the blame on her, this was solely you, she'd taken more than anyone else would have and she's still carrying on. You realise you've been stood outside her door for half an hour now and you still can't bring yourself to say anything. While you curse your great lack of communication you thrust your hands forward and practically throw the contents at her.

"**I, I came to give you t-these." **Never in your life have you stuttered, your mother taught you to be the ever composed lady you were supposed to be, yet one look from this woman and you've all but forgotten the power of speech.

"**Cold coffee, your car keys and your I-pod?" **You carefully retrieve your keys from her grip and work up the ability to do more than stand there and gawp; you haven't so much as _blinked_ at her.

"**I came to drive you to the airport, that is if you haven't got other plans, I didn't think to ask, god I should've checked first I just got in my car and then I was here and I thought you could use your morning coffee because we all know what you're like without it and I didn't want airport security refusing you access for threatening to shoot whoever was checking your bags and it most definitely wasn't cold when I arrived here." **You can't recall ever saying something so fast in your life, amazed that it all came out on just one breath. You notice JJ looking at you like you've suddenly grown two heads and smile innocently like you turn up here every morning and throw keys at her; you don't want to turn up here every morning, you want to be _here_ every morning. You're apartment holds the memories of casual, of something that wouldn't last yet was carelessly consumed. Here you want to begin something better, this isn't a casual affair anymore, this is something _real_.

"**And this?"** She questions you as she fumbles with your I-pod, now's when you need words, real, god honest actual words. Something genuine, something that puts action in to thought; let's her know that if there's one thing she should never doubt then it's how much you think about her.

"**I made a playlist; it's all the songs that remind me of you." **Of us; but you just can't bring yourself to finish that one. You can see her thinking it over, she owes you nothing, yet you hope she'll at least let you do this for her; you need to start _small_. You feel like a teenager, this is a step down from actually writing songs about her, but where your words fail music speaks; and she needs to hear the conflicted thoughts you've had running through your head since the day you clapped eyes on her.

"**Well I guess I'd better be getting my bags then." **She smiles softly at you but you know it hasn't fully reached her eyes, you have every shade and movement of them memorised but right now she's unreadable; and you've _always _been able to read her so well.

After replacing her coffee with something a little more drinkable you set off for the airport, so far it's been silent, a comfortable silence but silent no less; and that's beginning to sum this whole thing up. You've become so comfortable in the quiet that stepping out in to the noise is as daunting as ever, looks can be masked but once words are out there you can never take them back. This is the first morning you've been with her, and you already know you want as many as you can possibly have. With her hair pulled up and her casual clothes on you want to drive on past the airport and keep going forever so you can guarantee she'll be yours. Was it running away if you were taking her with you?

"**We might catch the sun rise."** You look over to her and know that she's the only light you need in your life, that even with the sun if she was gone it would always be night fall. You know what those words mean to her, you know that in all these months that's all she's wanted, to _keep_ you longer than a night in the darkness, to _have _you for a tomorrow.

"**No Em, the sun will rise on my plane back home, and while you're driving home, alone."** You hear her sigh; she didn't mean to be bitter, because even though you're here to start the day, you aren't _staying_. And you'd give anything to wipe that sombre look off her face, contemplating driving her all the way to her parents doorstep just so she could see you want to spend as much time with her as possible. You have every intention of spending forever with her once you have her, but you know you'll never truly have her to hold on to until you've worked on everything that holds you back. She herself is starting to give in to your walls and you know there's only so many times she'll pick herself up and carry on again before she walks away for good; she might not be strong enough to never look back but you know she has the power to carry on regardless. You can't carry on, you're stuck looking back without the capability to move even an inch forwards and without the strength to go back and realise that just maybe you are good enough to get the girl, _your_ girl, before someone else comes along and treats her like you should.

Pulling up you just don't want to let her go, but you know she needs this time to go home and figure out what she wants as much as you do; you seem to keep forgetting that behind it all you're leaving her just confused as you yourself have been. Reaching up you tuck her glorious blonde hair behind her ear before placing a delicate kiss on her cheek; before you know it something's pushed you forward enough to gently whisper in her ear, **"If there's another tomorrow there's always another sunrise, it never really leaves. Have a safe trip JJ." **You turn and head back to your car, hoping that she comprehends you're offering her another tomorrow; _endless _tomorrows.

Arriving back at your condo you feel lost; you'd filled your life with work to avoid times like these, where everything creeps out of the shadows to catch up with you. You were grateful for JJ's constant nightly presence at your door, it gave you the opportunity to push everything aside for another day, and now that time has come you know you have to face it head on. Starting with JJ's voicemail, whatever she had to say she didn't feel the need to repeat it to you today, was she clearing her conscience before walking away? No, she doesn't owe you any explanation. Hands shaking you fumble with your phone, you can handle angry words, but you know you can't handle _ending w_ords. Your breath catches in your throat when you hear her voice come through, she sounds so broken, she sounds like _you_.

"**Sometimes I wish you could see the way you look at me Em, I know you aren't as detached as you make yourself out to be, and however rare and fleeting they are I find myself living for those moments. I really don't want to lose you, but maybe I have to, I mean I know you were never really mine to lose, maybe I've just made everything so cloudy I just can't see anymore. I just don't know. I hope I'm wrong Emily, I really do, but there's only so many times I can watch you walk away before I turn and leave myself. Please…let me be wrong. I… I love you… but if I'm not meant to have you I just need some time to figure that out. I just… I guess I'll see you when I get back. "**

She's gone to get a break from you, you've been running from her so fast you've failed to see her try and catch you, but that's all she's been doing, and she's finally exhausted. She doesn't just like you, _she loves you_; she really loves you. She wants you, and yet again she hasn't put an ounce of pressure on you to go to her, she's _still _leaving it for you to act upon, no matter how much it's hurting her. You glance out of your lounge window; instead of the amazing view of the city you call home you're stood staring at your reflection glaring back at you, listening to the shattered sounds of the woman you truly want to call home. You've done enough damage; you're done with her chasing you, because for once you're going to be one step in front of her showing her all you can offer.


	9. Chapter 9

Seconds chances – chapter nine

A/N – just another look at what JJ is thinking. Lyrics are whatever it takes by Lifehouse and Save me from myself by Carpark North.

You didn't know what to think when she turned up at your door, you wondered what went through her mind when she can push you away one day and try to catch you the next; didn't she realise you'd already fallen hard? Plummeted straight through to the depths of her soul where you were happy to stay forever? But not _without_ her. Without her it became just another lonely place, another place to think about her. It's going to destroy you walking away, you know it could obliterate your very being finally getting up and moving on; but you can't run after her forever, it's ruining you both and the cracks are really starting to show. Cracks that you thought you'd covered with _her_, cracks you thought she'd healed; but has she done anything except break you these past few months? Were you worthy of her love now, too spoilt for anyone else to touch? You chuckle; wrecking yourself to have something you weren't even sure you could piece together anymore.

You hadn't had the chance to live with her, but you know you could never live without her. And that's what you'd come home to do, show yourself that if the worst happened you had a life before Emily Prentiss and you were capable of re building one after, for she'd already shattered everything you'd come to know. Maybe that was her purpose in your life, to transform you; you couldn't go on being the old JJ, but you couldn't be her JJ either. You were stuck between two parts of yourself, one way led to facing up to everything, and the other led to facing up to _her_; and you'd found yourself at a place that you didn't know which challenged you more.

You'd told her you loved her, _loved_ her; because if anything she needed to know what she was throwing away. It was always going to be there, whether you told her now or never told her at all, it was a part of everything now and it was time she was faced with it. You know she struggled with herself, and she struggled with you a lot more; you promised yourself you'd never force anything upon her but this was the last step, if she still walked from you after this then it was final; it concluded this messed up world you'd dragged each other into. You were _so _sure, and then she turns up at your door like nothing's wrong, like she turns up at your door every morning; when in truth she'd never been to your apartment before, invited or otherwise. You know straight away she hasn't listened to your voicemail, when it came to avoidance Emily rightly earned the gold medal. And if you hadn't of known her so well that look on her face gave it away in an instant; that tortured look of _questioning_ you were beginning to want to smack away completely.

You couldn't bring yourself to turn her away, if she was reaching out without really knowing how much you cared about her what actions would those words bring? Yet again she'd prompted an immediate forgival from you; but this time you weren't forgetting so quickly. That was nearly a week ago, a week in which you couldn't bring yourself to think about anything or anyone else; this was your time to escape and yet you couldn't see anything else but her. You know your parents have noticed your distraction, they lost a daughter once and it would kill them to lose you, it would destroy them more than you're destroying yourself. You rarely come back here; you don't need the reminder of what happened in this house all those years ago, a home so full of haunted memories, memories that you'd found a way to escape but that had slowly started to seep back through. A part of you died here that day, yet compared with the mess you've made for yourself back at your _real _home, this place feels like a sanctuary.

You know you see your sister in Emily, both so plagued with depression they can't see a way out. You'd tried to save her, so young, so confused but so _determined_; and it was all thrown back at you when you found her hanging in front of your very eyes. No crime scene photo will ever haunt you the way that image does, it was all you could see before Emily, and now all you see is her. She's right here with you for you to see, _to feel_, and you've been so busy trying to save her that you started to save yourself. That's why you go back, that's why you face that look on a daily basis, that's why you know you couldn't possibly love anyone else; you're willing to take all the bad times with her than face the good with somebody that could never understand. Emily _gets_ you, and you know that's what scares her.

You stare down at the object in your hands, you've been staring at it all week now; but something's stopped you from opening it. You can't help but feel like you're back in high school, somebody handing you a mixed CD; but this, this is so much more than that. She was giving you a way in, you know that she could profile someone accurately just through their music collection, and she was giving you permission to do the same, she was _letting _you in to that mixed up mind of hers. She struggled with words, and although these might not have been her own they meant something to her, and that meant they meant something to you.

Turning it on you flick through to the playlist, it was unnamed; ironically just like you and her. Combing through you see some you recognise and others you've never heard of, it was just like her to have such a strange mix all put together as one, just a mass of complication and longing. There are literally hundreds; they all remind her of you? You note that all of the songs on there are just hauntingly beautiful, the epitome of Emily. None of them were as simple as falling in love, they were haunted, they were tragic; never having what you wanted or getting it and losing it, or worse, destroying it yourself. She didn't see you as something simple; she saw the intricate complexities that moulded you both. She saw every rose with its thorns, she wasn't blinded by love; but she failed to escape it, she felt it _somewhere_.

You instantly recognise Lifehouse, their album had been quietly playing when Emily had dropped you off at the airport, although you don't remember hearing this song. You'd noticed she regularly listened to them on the way back from cases, lazed out on the jet like nothing but the music mattered; that look she'd got from Morgan, like it was the only way to lose yourself in something safe after seeing things so horrific. You'd started really listening to them then, wanting to submerge yourself in her form of escapism, wanting to know what she was thinking about as the lyrics hit home.

_**A strangled smile fell from your face**_

_**It kills me that I hurt you this way**_

_**The worst part is that I didn't even know**_

_**Now there's a million reasons for you to go**_

_**But if you can find a reason to stay**_

You smile to yourself, already it's summing up Emily, she really wouldn't know, sometimes she's so blind to the world around her; she's made everything about work and outside of that she struggles to know what defines her. She shuns away anything that could potentially break down that wall but you were doing it, slowly but surely you were going to help her see that what she did doesn't ever have to define who she is; that she can be whatever she wants to be. Did she see that from the outside she _did _have so many reasons to leave, but that she'd always stay, even without a single one? _She _was all the reasoning you could want.

_**I'll do whatever it takes**_

_**To turn this around**_

_**I know what's at stake**_

_**I know that I've let you down**_

_**And if you give me a chance**_

_**Believe that I can change**_

_**I'll keep us together whatever it takes**_

Does she know how badly she's hurt you? You've never shown her your weakness; you built yourself up to be so strong around her that you've forgotten how to be fragile anymore. If this is going to work she needs to see that you can break, that you have been broken for so long, but that she puts you together again, she needs to know that she's strong enough to do that whether she's realised it or not.

_**She said "If we're gonna make this work**_

_**You gotta let me inside even though it hurts**_

_**Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"**_

_**She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be**_

_**You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"**_

You've been _inside_ of her, but you want to really get in her, crawl up in everything that makes her who she is; no scar, no fear, no damn wall was ever going to change that. You doubt at times that Emily even likes herself let alone can comprehend how to love herself, but you have enough in you to love her until she can finally see what you've seen all along; what you'll _always _see. You saw how she was on that case, she's never loved anyone, but you don't doubt that she _can_.

_**I'll do whatever it takes**_

_**To turn this around**_

_**I know what's at stake**_

_**I know that I've let you down**_

_**And if you give me a chance**_

_**And give me a break**_

_**I'll keep us together**_

_**I know you deserve much better**_

You didn't deserve any better than her, and all these songs are beginning to show that that's what she truly believed. How could she ever doubt that anyone could make you feel the way she did? That anyone else could take away your pain while giving you so much more?

_**But remember the time I told you the way that I felt**_

_**That I'd be lost without you and never find myself**_

_**Let's hold onto each other above everything else**_

_**Start over, start over**_

_**I'll do whatever it takes**_

_**To turn this around**_

_**I know what's at stake**_

_**I know I've let you down**_

_**And if you give me a chance**_

_**and believe that I can change**_

_**I'll keep us together whatever it takes**_

You realise that this was the most played song out of them all but you refuse to get your hopes up just yet; this was all about someone finding the courage to believe in change, she never needed to change a thing about her; she just needed to break free of herself to _find_ herself. Quickly flicking through to the next track, this time it's something you don't recognise; although it's as equally moving as it is troubling.

_**Lost**_

_**My heart is hard as stone**_

_**On my own**_

_**Alone, I carry it home**_

_**Gone**_

_**I used to waste the days**_

_**So distraught,**_

_**I thought:**_

_**I'm changing my ways**_

_**Now you're changing my ways**_

_**You save me**_

_**Save me from myself**_

_**There is no one else**_

_**I'd lean on**_

_**Save me**_

_**You save me from myself**_

_**There is no one else to set me free**_

_**Start**_

_**The start of something new**_

_**Is what I find**_

_**When I'm**_

_**Just looking at you**_

_**Lift**_

_**You lift me off the ground**_

_**Keep holding my hand**_

_**I won't land**_

_**Won't even look down**_

_**Don't look down**_

_**You save me**_

_**Save me from myself**_

_**There is no one else**_

_**I'd lean on**_

_**Save me**_

_**You save me from myself**_

_**There is no one else to set me free**_

By the time the songs over you know you have to see her, you came here to clear your head, _to find_ _a way to breathe without her_, but she needs you as much as you need her and she's finally facing it. She wasn't running right now, she gave you _something_ to catch hold of her.

You're broken from your thoughts by the buzzing of your phone, its already eight in the evening, you've been sat breaking your way through to Emily's psyche for near on two hours now and you have a family party to attend in just under half an hour, you hardly ever come back here, you owe it to your parents to stay, Emily will wait. She _told _you there's always another tomorrow; and you were going to hold her to that. Reaching down you re read the text a further three times before letting it sink in; you know where you first heard those words and know who she's with now, leave it to Garcia to be the one to finally break through.

**If everything happens for a reason, then I hope my reason is you. Let me prove it to you – Em. **


	10. Chapter 10

Second chances – chapter ten

She'd been gone a week, a whole week, and you don't think you could have driven yourself any crazier if you tried. You hadn't spoken since you'd left her at the airport, left her with the hope of something more, _much more_ than what you had been offering, if you could call the solace of your bed an offering at all. Because you were so much more outside of your bedroom, why couldn't you show it? JJ had most definitely earned the right to a part of your life, she'd picked you up and now all you needed to do was let her in. for the past six days you've fought the urge to get in your car and head straight to Pennsylvania, you had no idea the reception you'd receive on arriving at East Allegany but you know she wouldn't just turn you away without _something_, ironic seeing as how you'd never given her anything. But there was no time for negative thoughts, they weren't welcome anymore; you'd spent the past near on a hundred and fifty hours trying to find yourself again, or at least a version of yourself that let the light through to the darkness that had you consumed.

It wasn't JJ's job to save you, sure she'd be doing her best to try and you would be forever grateful; but she deserved a place _beside_ you. You'd forever call her your saviour but it was time you got up and joined the fight; this was your battle after all. _You _needed to face everything head on, it was your mess and once you'd started to clear it everything else could fall in to place, everything would finally have a place. She needed this time, away from you, away from everything, and you couldn't deny her that. She'd been so strong for so long and you know that if there were ever a place for her to break it would be back home. Not that you ever wanted to see her in any pain, but she'd been carrying the both of you for so long now that it was time she sat down and gathered herself, and when she could stand again you were going to take her hand and guide the two of you together, after this no one had to have the burden of carrying the other; not that you'd ever hesitate to pick her up were she to fall.

Morgan had dragged you out to the bar to prevent you climbing the walls of your apartment; he thought you were going to do something stupid, but loving JJ would never be foolish; it might have been reckless but never unwise. He hadn't come right out and said it but he knows about the two of you, but without words you're unsure of how much; you were taking his silence as a blessing to make things right. He was protective of his family, and though he may have loved you, he'd defend JJ no matter what the cost, if he wasn't shielding her from you then wasn't that as good as saying you were worthy?

Garcia on the other hand was _fiercely _protective, you hadn't heard from her since last weekend, since she watched you leave her best friend behind yet again; and tonight she'd tried to make you as uncomfortable as possible. You deserved it; you knew that, if JJ was hurting it ultimately led to Garcia hurting; that's just how their relationship worked. It wasn't that she'd threatened you in any way, no exactly the opposite, she'd tried her best to make you feel as disappointed as possible. She'd taken a step back and hadn't interfered with your treatment of JJ, but now she'd stepped in. she waited until Morgan went to dance with a lady friend he'd met here last week to strike.

"**I told her to go for you, you know. When I asked her if she thought everything happened for a reason? Afterwards, I told her to take that reason and run with it, that it might not be perfect but she'd make it something great someday, because JJ? She deserves greatness. I really believed you would make her happy Emily, but she's been far from it and I can't sit back and watch her destroy herself anymore. She's so busy trying to fix you that she's losing herself. Fix it pumpkin; fix it before you lose the best thing that's ever going to happen to you. And if you can't? Step aside and let someone else make her happy."**

You were expecting her to shout, to tell you that you didn't deserve someone as great as JJ; you weren't expecting _that_. As much as Morgan's silence spoke volumes she spoke reasoning. JJ did deserve greatness, and she was going to get it, you were going to be the greatest thing that ever happened to her; simply because JJ made you feel like you could be _anything_ you wanted to be. And you wanted to be anything she needed you to be; you'd found your identity by joining the academy and becoming an agent, and you were determined to find yourself in her. Garcia had believed in you just like JJ had and you'd let them both down, JJ trusting you with herself and Garcia trusting you not to make her regret that. You're through with regrets, nothing before this had warranted reaching out and becoming something but you were already giving yourself the push you needed to do just that.

You politely excuse yourself from Garcia to walk outside; you need just a moment alone to gather your thoughts. JJ is well over a four hour drive away, you doubt she'd be as welcoming if you turned up at her parents' house in the middle of the night but you needed something now to let her know that you've heard it all loud and clear. That you're _here_. For now you need something to the point, something that lets her know that you've traced back to the beginning and you're ready to make it right.

**If everything happens for a reason, then I hope my reason is you. Let me prove it to you – Em. **

She'll understand, she'll know that you talked with Garcia, know that you were accepting that you could've lost her, that you needed to get her before she left your reach. You weren't expecting a reply, she owed you nothing of the sort; she could have made you sweat it out for another week, but yet again she's saving you from any unnecessary anguish.

**Emily you've been my reason for everything these past few months. You don't have anything to prove, just let me in. JJ xx**

She's had so much faith in you from the start, so much confidence without any expectation; it was time you started taking in and using it.

**If you're ready the doors open, Em xx**

You know she's ready, she might not always have been but you can't remember a time when she struggled with this all the way you have. She's always taken charge and been honest, with you and with herself.

**Oh don't you worry, I've been ready for a long time now. JJ xx**

"**Here we are ladies; you're looking a little parched over here." **You slip your phone back in your bag as Morgan approaches with another round of drinks, his dance partner hanging off his arm; she's pretty, but as you watch Garcia give her the once over before kindly offering her hand you realise that while they're some rather attractive people at the bar tonight, and every night, not one of them holds a candle to the beautiful woman you're waiting on.

"**It seems it's you that's worked up a sweat my hunk of love, and who do we have the honour of meeting? Honestly Derek remember your manners for the lady." **You chuckle at Garcia's flirty banter, you know that even on her death bed she'd still find time to shamelessly flirt with Morgan; the two were such characters that they really were irreplaceable.

"**This gorgeous lady is kady, kady this is my one and only baby girl Garcia and this right here is my bad ass partner." **He sends a wink your way as he pulls out a chair for Kady, you can see why the ladies flock to him, his easy going, and friendly banter could charm the pants off anyone.You settle down and prepare yourself for an evening of light conversation and drinks and know that Morgan's trick worked a charm; he must have known Garcia would have stepped in and helped put things right, those two were as thick as thieves.

The rest of the week went by painfully slow, without the distraction of work you had nothing to keep yourself occupied. In trying to respect JJ's space and give her time alone you'd only exchanged a handful of messages, mainly just asking how her day had been. You were genuinely interested; even on the day she'd only spent watching DVD's with her nephew, you wanted to know what she'd watched and what his interests were, they were her family and you wanted to know all about them. They did make her after all, and anyone that could create such a thing was someone you definitely wanted the chance to meet someday. What a turnaround in a week, just a few days ago you were afraid to even _see_ JJ; now you were thinking about meeting her parents. One step at a time Prentiss, one step at a time.

This was the longest you'd gone without seeing her since you started at the BAU and you can't help but pace waiting for her outside of baggage claim; it was what you did when you were nervous. Not that you were nervous at _seeing_ her, no this was a feeling you hadn't felt before radiating from right within you. You'd dropped her off here just fourteen days ago unable to tell her all that she meant to you and now you're pacing about, flowers in hand muttering to yourself about new feelings that only she can incite from you. You've never bought anyone flowers in your life, not even your own mother; they were a statement of caring and that's just not what you did in the family you grew up in. You had no idea what JJ's favourite flowers were; you didn't know if she even liked flowers. You'd no idea what any of them meant, you'd just seen them there and they called out to you, so exquisite yet so understated; just like JJ.

So distracted with thoughts of flowers and meanings you hadn't noticed her walk up to you until her hands are covering your face, **"Guess who?"** you feel a slight whisper and giggle in to your ear as you slowly turn around and give her the once over, **"well I'm looking for a hot blonde, have you seen her?" **You make a point to teasingly look her up and down again as you state the last of your sentence, before standing with a cocky grin on your face.

"**Oh I'm far too hot for you." **she winks playfully and you're glad for the distraction, you were so wrapped up in emotions you'd forgotten to just breathe and be yourself; this was still a new side to you both and you wanted to revel in it while you could, sombre and serious was gone and replaced by the light hearted teasing that you hoped would always remain.

"**For you miss." **You lean up to kiss her quickly on the cheek before jokingly bowing before her, handing over the flowers you'd bought earlier.

"**Wow Em these are beautiful, thank you." **A genuine full grin replaces her teasing smile and you wait with bated breath as she reads the card; you weren't sure how much to express on her first day back, it felt like something great needed a bit more of a build-up. **"You missed me huh?"** You can see her search your eyes for a serious answer but you stick with playful hoping to keep the mood light.

"**I certainly did, now my lady if you follow me your chariot awaits." **You grab her hand gently and lead her out to your car, you don't want to rush her but everyone's back to work in the morning and you have something you need to sort out this afternoon; something you hope will put an even bigger smile on JJ's face than the flowers did, although they certainly did the trick.

The drive to her apartment is quick, discussing her parents and how good it is to be home. You know the two of you need to talk, that you've needed to talk for quite some time, but you're happy to chat along with trivial things for the mean time; this was not the time or the place for something so important.

"**I really hate to have to dash and run but there are a few errands I have to run before the joy of work begins tomorrow, I know I've just had two weeks away from the place but I've missed it you know? It doesn't matter how dark it gets, it's a part of me, a part of us. And I shall see you there bright and early Agent Jareau." **You hope she understands you genuinely aren't rushing off as you unload her case and walk her up to her building door. **"I really did miss you."**

You turn to leave not wanting to see any disappointment etched across her perfect features, you never want to see anything but a smile on that face again. She suddenly pulls on your arm manoeuvring you back towards her before placing your I-pod in your hand. **"Thank you."** She got it, she understood your way of handing yourself over; but you weren't under any doubt that she wouldn't, JJ was nothing short of greatness after all.


	11. Chapter 11

Second chances – chapter eleven

Two whole weeks away and it's like you've never left, the office is overrun with yet more cases that need attention; it's always just _one_ more. The despair and utter hopelessness of bombarding phone calls you were sure to receive all day, the misery that all the files scattered around you contained; Emily was right, it was a part of you whether you liked it or not, but sometimes it was exhausting. You may have all just had some real time off but you know it wouldn't take long to fall back in to the routine of cases, for now though you were determined that nothing would bring your mood down; it had been two weeks of immense progress. You and Emily may not yet be on the same page but at least you were now reading from the same book, a somewhat vast improvement from the past few weeks of silence.

Yesterday had been a breath of fresh air; she was relaxed, calm, _happy_. There was no sign of the torment she normally carried around with her; she genuinely seemed to be where she wanted to be, with you. You were trying your hardest not to dwell on just how much reflecting she'd had to do the past couple of weeks to get to that state, you were simply going to believe she was working through her issues; it was as simple as that. If she started to back track yet again you'd deal with that when the time came but until then you weren't setting her up for a loss, you hadn't put expectations on her before and you didn't need to start now. It hadn't been easy, _she _wasn't easy, but then again you know nothing easy would ever be worth it so you'd put in all the hard work it took.

You notice a white envelope on top of everything that you know hadn't been there when you left, reaching forward you recognise the handwriting on the front to be that of Emily's; was she already here? No, you don't recall her ever being in the office this early; she preferred to stay later in the evenings than to drag herself in first thing, you'd heard her joke once with Morgan that no amount of coffee in the world could get her from her bed that early. It just simply said your name on the front, but turning it over was another story.

"**I meant what I said. You deserve the best; let me prove that whatever it is you're looking for you will always find in me. But first let me show you that I can be so much more outside of my bedroom, let me be the real friend I should have been all this time. Starting with this…"**

You didn't understand that woman's obsession with showing you that she deserved you; if she wanted you then she damn well had you! You weren't asking her to change, all the things you might have disliked about her you would accept anyway; it was a part of what made Emily who she was, that sophisticated, complex mess, she was never going to be plain and straight forward and you were happy with that. Plain and simple were unappealing; it was a part of her intense complexities that drew you to her, that held you captive to everything about her, just purely had you.

Debating with yourself you could see her point, you'd been colleagues for a year now and you felt like you knew nothing about her; sure you knew where to touch her, how to kiss her, what to do to make her come apart in your hands, but behind that what did you have? She'd been the new one to the team, you'd seen what this job did to Elle and you were hoping for a clear mind-set that wasn't tainted with the horrors the BAU came across. Instead you'd ended up with _her_, somebody who already wholly believed they were stained with imperfection and darkness, somebody already so lost to the blackness that it made Elle look like the level headed one. Back then she'd hid it well, threw herself right in without flinching, told you of the compartments that held it all at bay; compartments that you later saw were eating her from the inside. She was a profiler, she could manipulate her actions, easily mask those hidden depths you soon found.

But you saw straight through all that, saw that beneath it all that she was really suffering; you never asked the reasons behind her torment but you thought you'd given her a good enough outlet to find herself. Perhaps if you had taken the time to be more of a friend, to have worked out the mystery that was Emily Prentiss before jumping in to bed with her then you'd be on a completely different road to the one you found yourselves on now. But you didn't live for what ifs, you couldn't see it as regrets; it had after all led you here and you of all people know that you can't change what's been and gone. You _had _been friendly, until the day you'd gone to her in that hotel; that night changed everything between you and it had continued to stand in your way of building anything more, you weren't in a relationship but you weren't exactly friends either, work was your common ground and that had been your only link since then. You know she's gotten close to Morgan, you didn't see her to be the type to pour all her troubles out to him but you knew they hung out outside of work occasionally, she'd socialise with the team at drinks; hell you heard she'd even been to dinner with Reid once. Yet she began avoiding all non-essential contact with you, the one that knew her best of all.

You shake your head, you're letting yourself get distracted again; you needed to focus on the now, you were making progress and you certainly weren't going to be the one to hinder it. Opening the envelope you see that it's two tickets to the Redskins game scheduled for next weekend. You can't help but smile, she must have put some thought in to this, you don't remember ever telling her about your obsession with the football team but it wasn't exactly a hidden secret either; you and Morgan discussed sports frequently whenever there was a break in paperwork, or you simply needed a few minutes diversion from your office.

You look up to see her leant casually against your doorway, coffee in hand and watching you intently, she seems nervous somehow; you can see her free hand twitching slightly. You mentally slap yourself for attempting to profile her, it was a long standing rule to leave that for outside of the office; not that you were a profiler, but you'd certainly observed enough along the way to do a basic job.

"**I'm a geek, I won't pretend to know anything about football, but I know they're your favourite team so I thought who better to teach me?"** Could she be anymore adorable? You know you need to work on spending time together before anything happens, you know she doesn't want the pressure of jumping straight in to something, not while she's still doubting she's worthy of you. And not only is she being completely cute stood anxiously in your doorway but she's truly willing to take an interest in your interests; this was the biggest step she had made to date and it takes everything in you not to grab her and kiss her senseless. You know you're going to struggle to keep your hands to yourself for the next few weeks, it's been more than a month now since that night in her apartment and it's taking all your effort to concentrate on not defiling her with your thoughts.

"**You really prepared for a whole game with me? Cos once football JJ has been unleashed there's no reining her in!" **You return her flirtatious tone keeping the conversation light, it surprised you yesterday how playful she can really be; not that you would ever complain about watching the woman you're so madly in love with light up and just be so _relaxed._

"**I think I can handle it." **She winks teasingly at you and you feel your heart pick up a notch. **"Here I bought you coffee, looks like you're going to need it." **She nods to the rather large pile of files on your desk.

"**Why Agent Prentiss you're turning in to my very own private barista, and don't you worry a large section of these will be landing on your desk in the next half hour, vacations definitely over. You guys are definitely going to have your work cut out for the next few days while we play catch up."**

"**I best get to it, I'd hate to disappoint." **You know she's talking about more than files and though she seems set on taking the friendship route for now you just can't help brushing your hand against hers as you lean in close to her, thankful that Hotch is tucked away out of sight in his office and that no one else has arrived in the bull pen at this ungodly hour.

"**I don't think that's possible." **You feel her shudder as your breath hits her ear, at least you know she wants you as much as you want her; it was going to be a _long_ few weeks.

The first three days back were solely focused on paperwork, although you'd managed to treat Emily to lunch as a thank you for the tickets; well lunch was pushing it, she'd suggested sandwiches in the nearby park so she could enquire more about your family, a subject that you thought she would have tired of by now. She had surprised you while you were away by taking a genuine interest in the entire Jareau family; in fact you're pretty sure she could now conduct a rather thorough timeline from memory. Though she had yet to mention her family specifically you had always got the distinct impression that it was far from an idyllic childhood; you couldn't change the ways in which she grew up but you could show her that not all households were like that.

It wasn't until Thursday came around that you could almost see over your desk, you were surprised how much work you had actually been able to get done; when you hadn't been thinking about Emily, you'd been talking to her, and when you weren't doing that you were shamelessly watching her from your office. You wanted to know what made her laugh, you wanted to _see_ her laugh, you didn't think you'd ever tire of that sound; and she'd been in high spirits joking around with Morgan and Reid all week, although given the fact she detested paperwork you were sure she was providing the distraction.

It was that afternoon that you'd caught a case and ended the cheerfulness that had taken over the team. Heading back all you could think about was your bed, well second place to Emily _being _in your bed. You were spending the whole day with her in just under two days; the most amount of time you'd spent solely in each other's company sober and fully clothed. You'd never been more excited for a football game, in fact you'd never had so much enthusiasm for sports games in general; Emily had confessed she didn't have a clue when it came to sports but that she was looking forward to a lesson in the art of "kicking balls".

You'd spent all morning getting ready, it might have been a so called "friend date" but that didn't mean you couldn't look your best; you wanted to show her what she could have without coming right out and saying it. She'd set her pace and she seemed comfortable sticking at it, the last thing you wanted was to push her in to anything too fast and risk meeting her walls yet again. Your breath catches in your throat as you answer your door to the cutest sight you'd ever seen; there before you with a slight blush on her perfect cheeks was Emily Prentiss decked out in a rather fitting Redskins jersey. You'd never seen something so adorable yet so damn _sexy_. You know you're staring, you've forgotten how to even blink, and you're pretty sure you're a step away from drooling all down yourself; two hours getting ready to look _so_ smooth.

"**Hi." **You sputter out the only word you can think of as you watch her timidly pull at the sleeves of her top.

"**I've never really been in to football so I never had a team, so yours best live up to expectation Jareau." **Words, you need words, you made a living from them; could manipulate them to your own meanings and yet they'd completely escaped you. You stand and watch as she slowly tucks your hair behind your ear, never breaking eye contact as she presses a brief kiss to your lips, and as that familiar tingling sensation takes over you know you don't have a hope in hell of stringing together a coherent sentence any time soon. You find yourself stuck in your doorway trying and failing to tear your eyes away from hers before the only game she'll be witnessing today is how fast you can have her undressed and screaming your name.

Before you've even had time to think that thought through you find yourself pulling her through your door as you push her up against the wall, your mouth colliding with hers in a frenzy; feeling that nothing could go on if you didn't devour her now. Your hands mindlessly work their way through her hair as you reacquaint yourself with everything Emily, all those sensations that take over when she's this close, when she's yours. And this time she really is, she's here and she's here for _you_. So lost in her you don't even hear the thud of whatever it was she was holding rebound off your hallway wall as you push yourself further in to her, eliminating any space between you, making sure nothing can come between you. Her lips move in sync with yours in a move you've played countless times over the past few months, but there's something new here, something yet to be identified, and it's just as captivating and addictive as Emily herself. Her tongue meets yours but this is no battle for dominance, this a re discovery of all that was between you, and all that's come together since then.

You briefly register something heavy hitting the floor but it's no more than a moments distraction as you feel her push herself off the wall and switch the two of you around, hands moving from your cheek agonizingly slowly down your sides until they come to rest on your hips. It was that burning feeling in your lungs from lack of oxygen that pulled you back then, mentally cursing the need to breathe to survive; in your mind you only needed her. You scramble to organize your thoughts as you take in the flushed face of Emily Prentiss just mere inches from yours, lips still parted and slightly swollen and that glorious chest of hers rising faster than ever before, even with everything the two of you had done before this, nothing had ever felt like that.

"**Wow. Just….wow." **She's never commented on anything between you, never uttered a single word besides your name, and you know she must of felt what you just did to start now.You watch as she stands dumb founded before you with a hand to her lips, gently tracing where your own had wandered just moments before. You've lost count of the amount of times you've kissed her, and of _where_ you've kissed her, but that had always been in the darkness of her bedroom; away from the light of a new day, away from _everything_. This was something else entirely, and it was very welcome. Your eyes still haven't left her face, and you know nothing could tear you away from the beauty that stands so close to you, she'd always run from that, ran from the intimacy that had definitely made its presence known today. Your breath catches in your throat as her fingers leave her mouth and gently trace yours before she slowly leans forward and presses her lips to yours once more; though brief it shows you more than she could ever say.

"**I think I broke you." **You hear that laugh, that beautiful laugh, as you pull yourself from your thoughts to see her waving a hand in front of your face, so lost in her you've still yet to say anything let alone hear her calling your name. You take a step back from her, knowing that being so close is not going to help clear your mind that has crept right over in to dangerous territory; your whole body still humming from the kiss that you don't think you'll ever be able to top. _That _was a first kiss, if everything up until now was leading to this then it was most definitely worth all the time and work you had put in.

"**No Em, you've only ever fixed me." **You expected her to flinch at your serious tone, to run _again_, but she just smiles at you, a smile that takes away all the bad thoughts of the past few weeks, a smile that you know puts you both on a new road, together.

"**Good, I'd rather die than see you ruined JJ, I know you don't need protecting, and I know I haven't appreciated you in the ways I should have, but I'm here to change that; because you Miss Jareau are definitely something that needs to be cherished. Now on a less serious note, I may not know football etiquette but I'm pretty sure I know a thing or two about this pre-gaming, shall we?" **You see her reach down to pick up whatever it was had gone crashing to the floor during your impromptu make out session, _no_ that didn't do it justice; during what you'd always remember as the best kiss of your life. She holds up a four pack of beer with a slight grin, you weren't too sure where this Emily came from, but you were sure you never wanted her to leave. You take a moment to try and pull yourself together as you lead her to your living room, knowing that alcohol and your libido were not going to take it easy on you.


	12. Chapter 12

Second chances – chapter twelve

You'd done it, you had survived a whole day with JJ without so much as a negative thought, your walls didn't exist in this new place between you; in fact you'd be hard pressed to list anything that did when she was so close. You had always balked at spending time with her, the only real time the two of you had spent together outside of work involved a lot less clothing and even fewer words. Today you had taken everything you thought you knew about the two of you, which together was so very little, and taken it completely out of context; and without the confines of the silence of your bedroom it had thrived.

You didn't have the best experience with socialising, you grew up in an isolated youth; the one time you did break free resulted in something too painful for you to even think about let alone put in to words. You were a linguist, a master of languages, you could express yourself in so many terms but you preferred to keep your personal thoughts, those words that _really_ mattered, locked away in the confines of your mind. The concept to you had always been simple; if you didn't think about them then they simply didn't exist. It had been working for you for the past twenty years, since Rome; since _everything_. Until the day she walked in to your life. She didn't belong in a box, she certainly didn't belong in a compartment lost to your subconscious, and she wasn't there to be hidden because no matter how hard you tried you just couldn't forget about her. Even when you thought you had her blocked out, she was still there, she was always there. Even back then she made you question everything about yourself, everyone else had left you to rot in your own world, but not only had she broken free of any prison you had put her in but she'd begun opening all the others; letting you know that the deepest darkest memories that haunted you were still there but you didn't need to be afraid of them anymore.

You weren't sure what you were expecting when you turned up at her apartment; it was only the second time you'd been there and the first that you were actually welcome. You had never physically turned her away from your own doorstep but she wasn't exactly met with a warm reception either, she wasn't always entirely welcome but a part of you always needed her to stay; and that was the part that had turned up here today. The part of you that knew that against all odds you needed Jennifer Jareau, she'd become more to you than you would care to admit but you were ready and waiting to explore that.

You wanted her to be comfortable, and despite Morgan's warnings about just how manic JJ could get when the Redskins were concerned you still wanted to witness it first-hand ; regardless that those tight jeans and football jersey could be the death if you one day. In fact _anything _about JJ could well be the death of you, if it wasn't those eyes, or _that_ smile, it was most definitely going to be those jeans. And then she pulled you close and kissed you like nothing you've ever experienced before and you realised those lips, that god damn mouth, could be the most dangerous of them all. It had been well over a month since you had last tasted those lips, since that tongue had explored yours; since you had made love to her, because that right there in her office could never be classed as just sex. Sure you had fucked her, more times than you should have ever been allowed, but nothing had touched you as much as that night, or the events that followed shortly after; that was something else entirely. But that kiss, it blew whatever was left of your mind.

She _had _warned you; football JJ, well she was just something else entirely. You had managed to sit through almost an hour of screaming, shouting, and more football talk than you'd ever be able to comprehend. You hunted down serial killers; yet when it came to learning game rules all you could think of was getting JJ out of that jersey and on to the nearest flat surface, whatever that may be. She'd ignited something in you in that kiss and she knew it, every wink, every smile, every touch of her hand as she brushed past you and that coy little grin that never left her face; it all added fuel to the fire that would have been a raging inferno if she had her way.

You were happy to simply watch her revelling in the moment, this was her team, this is what she was passionate about and if that made her happy, well then you were happy, _she_ made you happy. She was firing on all cylinders through game play but come half time you made a bold move and gently pulled her down into your lap where she happily stayed animatedly discussing team tactics until it all kicked off again. You'd love to say you took it all in but the feel of her in your arms took all logical thinking away from you, your fingers mindlessly running the length of her leg while she talked shop with the couple sat next to you. She'd stopped you then and laced your fingers with hers; this was more than a joining of hands, this was you joining together, because together you were fast becoming something phenomenal. By the time the game ended you would have struggled to remember the score but you did learn one thing, football made JJ come alive and there truly was no site quite like it. You'd also never heard such a petite woman _scream_ so loud and you made a mental note to definitely test for that response to certain actions very soon.

Garcia had called on the way home and invited you both to drinks and you picked that over the privacy of JJ's apartment, you felt you still had something to prove before you _really _took her to bed. Though today had been a day of progress all couldn't be forgiven in the space of day, no matter how much that day had come to mean. It was your usual haunt and you were grateful the rest of the team weren't there, as much as you respected them you didn't need the added pressures of your boss watching you attempt to chase after a fellow team member, because no matter how much you wanted to make JJ yours, you could never forget that the repercussions of an inter-office romance could tear you apart worse than any of your prior behaviour. Strauss would use anything to rip the team to shreds, _your _team, this was your life and it was theirs and you weren't going to be the one to end that. You cared for JJ more than you could say, but without your job there was nothing for her to care about in return, and you know she's worked far too hard for you to allow her to throw it all away. You have every intention of talking to Hotch once you've both figured out where you stand, you know he knows about you on some level and if there's one thing he'll respect it'll be your honesty.

You head to the bar to get the first round in, no amount of drinks in the world will thank Garcia for finally giving you that push, you had no idea why she was still in your corner for JJ's affections but you were drawing strength from her faith in you; you knew she was watching you closer than ever but you took the challenge, she'd have never let you loose near JJ again if she didn't think you could turn this around. You find yourself gazing over at them, more specifically at JJ, after the day you'd had you just couldn't tear yourself away. She's deep in conversation with Garcia, complete with that smile that hasn't left her face all day, that smile that you and _you_ alone put there.

"**Well we could let you kick both our asses at darts or we could even the playing field a little and go for pool?" **You hand Garcia her drink and take JJ's hand leading her over to the vacant pool table, you'd happily let her shame you at darts once again if it meant that smile never left her perfect face but you know Garcia wouldn't be too happy to spend her evening away watching you; if there was one thing about a night out with that woman it was that you rarely ever got a moment to sit down.

"**Oh I'm sure Pen would agree with me when I say destination dance floor."** She turns you around with a subtle wink and pulls you out in to the circus of moving bodies, Garcia hot on your heels. You stop after one drink knowing that you've got to drive home but it doesn't stop your present company consuming far too many for the quiet girls drink you were offered; not that you would ever complain, they're both so care free in those moments, this was the life outside of work you know you needed to start to relish in. JJ's hand never leaves yours and after a few rounds she's gone from dancing next to you to dancing on you. Her hands go from your hair, to your face, sides and your back and you try your best to keep yourself composed as her lips descend to your neck. You hurriedly search round for Garcia and see that she's found herself a dance partner of her own, though theirs is a much more family friendly dance to the one you're partaking in; you know she's just found Kevin and that she'd never do anything to put a halt to their rapidly budding relationship. You can't help but smile at the one good thing that came from almost losing her not so long ago, if anyone deserves something special in this world it was her, second only to the other blonde currently giving the rest of the club quite a show.

You think back to that night, though you'd only been a part of the team a few months you know that you would have given your life for any one of them, Garcia being right at the top of that list; someone so outspoken and loving yet oddly innocent, someone you would always protect no matter what the cost. You would never be able to forget finding JJ in that waiting room, so lost, Garcia was the closest thing she had in her life and you couldn't bear to see her fall apart if the worst were to happen, you knew the team would eventually pull themselves together, but JJ, she would have been broken forever. You'd already began whatever it was you had back then, and you'd already distanced yourself from her enough to know that she didn't expect you to offer any sort of comfort.

She didn't expect you to take a seat by her, to watch over her all those hours you all sat waiting for what you prayed was good news, never expected you to take her hand in yours and never in a million years expected you to stay sat like that until Garcia came out of surgery; a fighter as you had expected. You had surprised yourself at how easy it had come to you to reach out to her when there was so much on the line. Of course your real source of comfort came later when you let her abuse your body in to the early hours of the morning; you know she'd broken down outside of your door when she'd left that night, and it will always haunt you that you didn't have the strength to go to her then. The night she put a bullet through Jason Clark Battles forehead you had actually left your door open for her, but that was the first night she never showed, or the night that followed.

You're pulled from your thoughts by JJ rather enthusiastically spinning you around, you can't help but chuckle at her antics, she certainly was a rather lively drunk. **"You're thinking way too much missy; you should be taking advantage of the gorgeous blonde dancing rings around you."**

"**But she's all the way over there**." You cheekily point over to Garcia who's also running rings around her dance partner, you aren't quite sure what's been in those "special cocktails" of theirs but they certainly don't need any more encouragement. Your comment only gets you a light smack on the arm as JJ's hands wander down to dangerous territory; you've become so wrapped up in her you had forgotten that you were very much in public. Regardless you can't help the shiver that runs through you as she learns forward and gently whispers in to your ear.

"**As much as I love her, I'm pretty certain she can't make you feel the things I can."** She ends her sentence bringing her mouth to yours and kissing you for all your worth; you still can't get over the feelings this woman can induce in you; just one touch from her has you melting. Her hands move to your ass and it takes all you have in you to return them to yours, if you can keep a hold of her for two minutes you might be able to calm your raging libido.

As rihannas complicated comes on you find yourself laughing at each other, you really weren't easy, and you most definitely weren't easy to love but yet here you were. Next thing you realise JJ has launched herself in to your arms, luckily being the sober one you manage to catch her on time before she begins yelling about "loving this song" and since she's rather vocally "loved" the past five songs you're pretty sure it's time to leave.

"**Prentisssss I love you you know that right? Not in my little JJ's lovin you loving you because I have my beautiful Kevin but you, you have my love cup cake. You can have all the love in the world, you can have all the cup cakes in the world, ooooh can we stop for ice cream pretty please?"**

You can't help but laugh at Garcia's drunken antics, and after successfully convincing her that she wouldn't appreciate ice cream at this ungodly hour, reigning her in after mooning poor bystanders on the street with her "BUA babes know how to bring it down" chants, and a rather out of tune duo rendition of Barbie girl, complete with voices, you had finally got her home and through her front door.

"**One down one to go." **You smile at JJ as you return to your car and find her having a rather intoxicated conversation with her mother, one you are sure she's not appreciating at two in the morning.

"**Ah my rides finally returned I've got to go mummy**." No sooner had you buckled yourself back in but she'd all but thrown her phone to the back seat and lunged at you. You know you need to slow things down before the two of you end up having sex right there in the car but the logical part of your brain is losing the battle with the multiple parts that want JJ coming in your hands. Her lips move in sync with yours as she begins to grind herself in to your lap, a few more seconds and you're a goner for sure. Her tongue meets yours as her hands run through your hair before moving down to undo your pants, tugging your shirt up along the way. It takes every ounce of will power you have in you to tear yourself away, remembering that however drunk she may be you're still both federal agents and explaining this one to Hotch after being arrested was not on the top of your to do list.

"**Hey there handsy let's wait until we get you home okay? I'm pretty sure Garcia's neighbours don't want a free show." **She pouts at you as you gently kiss the tip of her nose before helping to manoeuvre her back to her own seat, before beginning possibly the longest drive back to JJ's, especially since her hands continually find their way back to the top of your thighs, applying just enough pressure to distract you from any sort of safe driving.

After what seems like an eternity and at least five traffic violations later she's finally crashing through her front door, pulling you along with her. Much like earlier in the day she has you pushed back up against her hallway wall, your shirt removed almost immediately before her lips began to trail a path from your mouth to your chest. Your breathings almost erratic, you've wanted her in this position all day and now you have her; only now you know you'll have her tomorrow as well. She begins to suck on your pulse point as her hands wander to your breasts, cupping them gently through your bra. As expected what starts off gentle quickly descends in to an almost ferocious hunger; that _need_ to just consume. Before you have the chance to flip the two of you around her mouth returns to yours before she takes a step back, **"I love you Em, more than you'll ever know. And I'll love you even more once I have you naked, but first to my second love….waffles." **You can't help but chuckle at how adorable a drunk JJ can be, and you've quickly learnt than an intoxicated JJ apparently only has two moods, hungry and horny, and as she's been teasing you all night you know which one you want to be seeing right now.

"**Firstly Miss Jareau your second love, and I'm pretty sure your first love, is most definitely coffee, secondly sober you is going to appreciate me denying drunk you waffles, however as your ride home I'm certainly not going to deny you the chance to ride…other things."**

You watch as she puts on a childlike pout and pretends to be weighing up your offer, before she steps back in to you holding you captive against the wall as she slowly presses her lips to yours, before turning and removing her shirt and throwing it at you before making her way to what you assume is her bedroom; after all today is the only real time you've stepped foot into her threshold. She slowly turns back round to face you with a sexy grin spreading across her face, **"hmmm deal, but drunk me would happen to appreciate you making sober me waffles for breakfast, this is the entry fee to the bedroom, coming?"**

"**Oh I'm definitely coming, and don't you worry so will you. Just give me two minutes." **She smiles and turns making her way to her bedroom with what you can only describe as the sexiest strut you had ever seen. Wasting no time you quickly lock up knowing that in her state JJ had hastily forgotten and turn out the lights, not before grabbing a large glass of water, with all the alcohol the terrible twosome have consumed you have a feeling someone's certainly going to need it come morning. Morning, something the two of you have never shared, and something until recently you had never even _thought_ of sharing. You had always panicked at offering JJ more than you could ever give but right now in this moment nothing has ever felt so right.

You smile as you walk through JJ's bedroom doorway, there lying soundly above her covers is a half-dressed Jennifer Jareau sleeping soundly. You can't help but admire the woman before you, she truly was beautiful and you make a mental note to start telling her that; now you had finally found your words you didn't think you could ever possible run out of things to say about her. You carefully remove her shoes and pants before covering her with a blanket, momentarily thinking about leaving her to her rest but something inside of you _wants_ to be here first thing, wants to be here come morning _and _night.

Removing your own clothes you make yourself comfortable next to a peaceful JJ and just watch her sleep, you'd never just taken a moment to really admire her. Most likely because she stopped sleeping next to you once she knew you'd be gone come morning, she would drag herself home in the middle of the night ready to spend another day being ignored by you until she turned up at your doorstep at the end of it all, ready to do it all again. She'd put herself through that for months, all for you; taken what she could get because to her any part of you was better than no part of you at all. You weren't someone that had regrets, to you they were just another thing you didn't think about; and if you didn't think of them they weren't there. But it was there, it was right in front of you and it would always be there to remind you of all that you could have lost.

You close your eyes praying that the nightmares don't come tonight, part of the reason you had never stayed with her were the dreams that plagued you at night; by day your thoughts eroded away at you, thoughts you escaped with your work and more recently the many encounters with JJ, but come night fall there was no escaping everything you'd seen thrown back at you tenfold. Waking up sweat covered and shaking was not unfamiliar to you, you had gone without a real nights sleep for years now; had learned to live with them, letting them become a part of you as much as JJ has. But tonight something's different, there's no fear as you succumb to the darkness, the only thing on your mind is the blonde beauty by your side; and you know this time, neither of you is going anywhere.


	13. Chapter 13

Second chances – chapter thirteen.

_You can see her down in the distance, sat staring out across the water, those dark eyes watching every ripple with such intensity, when she looks at you like that you almost lose it; that was the look you had spent so long destroying. Spent every waking day looking for any sign of it, any sign that all you'd accomplished together these past few years was on the verge of being destroyed. She'd chosen you; but you always doubted it could remain that way forever, after all this woman was no easy read, she came with complications you were still discovering and definitely still conquering. _

_You didn't expect any answer from her, whatever you asked in these moments never broke through, all you could do was sit there and ride it out with her, hoping that at the end of it she'd return to you. You watched silently as those eyes never faltered, never gave any sign that she'd felt your presence; and as you had many times before you carefully take her hand in yours and lean in to her, she might not ever openly admit that she needs you but you know it's the only thing that brings her back from wherever it is she loses herself._

_As she slowly shifts to put her arm around you you hold on even tighter; you'd anchor yourself to her if it meant she never had the chance to leave your side. You feel her smile in to you and you know she's back to being yours. _

"_Hey beautiful, we best head back to your parents before they start to worry, you know how mom gets."_

_Mom? Your parents? You look out over the lake and realise it's the same water you yourself had sat gazing over many times during your childhood, and for much darker reasons in your adolescence. That doesn't startle you, the fact that Emily Prentiss just called your own mother mom halts any other thought; you'd never heard her refer to her own mother as that, let alone yours. _

"_Mom?"_

"_Yeah Jayje, you know beautiful lady, about this tall, blonde hair, heart of gold, gave birth to you? We can't be late for her famous Sunday dinner, as much as I love you there's only so much of your cooking I can take."_

_She coyly winks at you as she stands, pulling you up with her and placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. You didn't hear anything after "I love you", her voice just repeating through your mind; since when does Emily love you? And since when did she discover your mom's famous Sunday lunches? Since when did she discover your mother? She turns your face to hers and you catch that look on her face, there's definitely no doubt there, and for that, nothing else matters. _

You open your eyes and quickly realise you are most definitely not at your parents, in fact if you were to wager a guess right at this moment an unsub is drilling holes in to your brain complete with torturing you with the highest pitch noise. You try unsuccessfully to blink away the pain as you search for your cell phone, your mom's name highlighting the screen making your eyes scream out for darkness; why on earth was she calling you at seven thirty on a Sunday morning? You know she'll be up preparing the Sunday dinner for your father and brothers family but she knows you most definitely won't be in a fit state to talk at this ungodly hour. Turning your phone off before your head explodes and it gets a trip out of the nearest window you turn to be met with a site you'd never had the chance to see before; there right in front of your very eyes just mere inches from you was Emily Prentiss sleeping soundly.

You find yourself reaching up to rub your eyes, were you dreaming? Last night comes flooding back and you remembering laying in what you thought was a seductive pose waiting for Emily to come through your bedroom door; it was the first time she would have been here and you wanted it to be a night for you both to remember. Clearly no one thought to tell your alcohol soaked mind that when a gorgeous woman is following you to your bedroom you most definitely don't risk closing your eyes for even a second; but then that second had bought you here. You weren't sure if she planned on staying last night, you know you had worked her up in to enough of a frenzy that she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, but you still never expected to see her face besides you this morning.

That stabbing head pain was long forgotten as you stare at her breathing steadily, you'd never seen her look so _peaceful_; and you have to sit in wonder at what it is that runs through her head when the rest of the world's not around to bear witness. Was she plagued by terror? Or was it a time when she could finally make sense of the silence around her? You hoped that she allowed her mind enough time to switch off to heal herself; what haunted her during the waking day was enough for anybody.

Looking at her now she has such an expression of content, you don't think you've ever seen her look so calm, so _relaxed; _all the words you couldn't associate with her, not until lately. It was as if beginning to let you in had cured her something, of what exactly you didn't know, and even if you never found those answers you'd still cherish her with all you had. You turn in to her slightly so you can feel her breathe on the back of your neck letting it guide you back to sleep; you want nothing more than to stare at her for hours but your head won't be as forgiving as your heart later.

When you awake a few hours later that throbbing pain is now down to a dull ache, just what was Garcia pouring down your throat last night? You make a mental note to thank her for what you sure will be a pleasant day in your darkened room; not that you needed much encouragement at the bar, the day had gone so well and you felt like such a thing should be celebrated. The space next to you that was occupied just a while ago is now empty, the cold bare sheets holding no reminder that someone was very much there this morning. You'd seen her, you'd felt her, that memory was ingrained in to you now forever. Had she panicked when she woke up? Or had you so desperately wanted her here with you this morning that you were confusing yourself in your hung over state?

You curse yourself for over thinking, you weren't sure of her plans today, perhaps she just didn't want to wake you; if there was one thing Emily was it was polite. Throwing your head back in to your pillows you're started by a quiet chuckle from the doorway, a voice you would know anywhere; you couldn't escape from its memory even if you tried.

"**Morning sleepy head, **_**someone**_** wanted waffles for breakfast but **_**someone **_**neglected to inform me that all she had in her kitchen is a rather questionable egg, chocolate and way too much coffee. Combine that with my out of date tin of peaches and what I'm pretty sure is now creamed milk and we have ourselves a feast. I had to run to the store in my football attire and I'm pretty sure it isn't game day." **

She winks at you as she enters, gracefully carrying a tray of delicious looking waffles, topped with strawberries and surrounded by a heart shaped island of whipped cream.

"**You stayed?"**

"**I did, I'll admit I came for drunken naked JJ but I definitely stayed for cute bedhead JJ." **She playfully ruffles up your already wild hair as she leans in to kiss you; it may not have had the pace of last night but you'd take this over that any day, she was here, _really_ here. All you wanted was to pull her down to you and spend your day getting lost in her; you had never let the light reflect on all you had and it was time you let it shine through.

"**I want to stay, and I mean **_**really**_** want to stay but there's a showing of an old French film in one of the theatres down town and I promised Reid we'd go."** She continues running her hands through your hair aimlessly as you can see her contemplating within herself. **"But I can cancel, I should really cancel."** She leans down to kiss you once again as you flip the two of you over so you're straddling her waist and just take a moment to look at her; she seems so torn between staying or leaving and you know _this_ time you have to let her go.

Spence was the first one to really welcome her to the team, apart from yourself; you didn't realise back then when you walked in on her heated discussion with Hotch that she was going to be someone you wanted around, but now you couldn't see the team without her, couldn't see _you_ without her. But that had all been torn apart after Tobias Hankel entered your lives and what had started out so well had it rocky ground, out of all of you that had known Spence for so long she was the one that saw through his pain and saw fit to confront him about him; she was the first to try and reach out and try to save him from destroying himself at a time when he questioned his place in the team, the FBI, the world around him. She'd only been with the team a couple of months but she saw straight through what you were missing, you can admit now that though you could see he was struggle you never once thought it ran as deep as it did.

He'd needed an outlet for his anger and he had thrust that upon Emily; Emily who herself struggled more than he'd ever know. She had taken it in her stride but you could see the hurt behind those eyes, it was when you first realised that the mask she wore was cracked deeper than you first thought. No one else had thought to intervene and you wandered just how far he would have gone if it wasn't for her, did she see herself in him? If she couldn't figure out how to save herself how had she so easily reached out to him, despite how far he tried to push her in return? You didn't think you would ever fully understand the woman beneath you but it would never stop you spending your lifetime trying.

It was right there in Hankels barn that she came to mean everything that she is to you today; it was her voice that had pulled you back from the brink, her touch that had bought you back around, her rare tenderness that calmed you enough to pull yourself together. You stopped then to look at her, _really look at her,_ and you knew right then that you needed her in your life, that you needed to be a part of her as you hoped she'd become a part of you, and yet she became so much more, _is so much more._

It was right there in that house that you'd asked her how none if got to her, you had already started to see the cracks in her façade but the way she was able to fool all those around her was what astounded you, how did this woman carry on every day regardless of what was eating her inside? How did she manage to tackle everyone else's problems when she had no clue how to face her own? She had stood there, that look she tried to mask with a face devoid of any emotion, that look you had already began to see straight through even then. She had stood there and claimed that it was all due to compartmentalization; that word that came to stand between you, the one thing that held you both back for so long. You had seriously underestimated the power of those compartments back then.

"**No, you should go. I'll just miss you that's all. However these waffles should really lesson the blow." **You grin down at her before rolling over and taking the tray from where she'd carefully placed it on the side; every strawberry was cut to perfection and the cream had ended up in the perfect shape of a heart, it was perfect; just like her.

"**I'll call you." **She stands and straightens herself out as you begin devouring your breakfast, if you couldn't have her this was definitely the next best thing; it was that perfect balance of sweetness, much like her. And this time as you watch her leave you know she'll be willingly returning to your bed again sometime soon.

You had spent the rest of the day trying to rid yourself of your headache, and for once not try to rid yourself of the thoughts of the woman you awoke beside just a few hours before; anything about her was so very welcome now you weren't fighting within yourself for her. You started this just wanting part of her; these past couple of weeks had only fuelled that to become a wanting of all of her. You didn't want to own her, no she needed to see that she owned herself; that nothing in her past, present or what was to come of her future dictated that, but you wanted her to be yours.

You can still clearly remember the moment you knew you had to have her, you had been out with her and Garcia to a local bar for a drink, back then she was comfortable around you; didn't shy away from spending time with you. She had been with the team nearly six months, and you had spent the better part of four of those thinking of nothing but her, ever since the dogs, that really was the turning point in what would become your story. She had bought over that guy, for the life of you you can't remember his name, you were too busy staring at her; she was so confident and self-assured in that moment and she didn't look to have a care in the world, _that_ was the Emily you wanted to get to know. You couldn't help winking at her as she so cleverly humiliated the poor guy in front of you, you knew that as Garcia raved about her that she definitely belonged with the team, but that even more than that she belonged with you. She was such a great mystery and it was those complications that simply drew you in knowing that solving such a thing would be the greatest accomplishment you could hope to achieve. If it wasn't for the fact that you caught a case just moments later you would have approached the situation a whole lot differently than appearing at her hotel room door four nights later, you know the case had really gotten to her and you couldn't stand to see the pain in those eyes a moment longer.

You were broken from your reverie by a knock at your door, you were expecting it to be the local pizza boy with the last of your hangover food but there in front of you stood Emily Prentiss with nothing but lust in her eyes. Before you could even speak she'd thrown herself at you, pushing you back against the wall while shutting the door behind her with a practised ease; except she'd never turned up here before, not in this way. Everything about it mirrored yourself and all the times you had turned up unannounced at her door, lust filled eyes and a determination to claim her as your own yet again; it was the one mark you had on her and you weren't letting it go. But for you it wasn't long before the lust in your eyes turned to love, and you know that hadn't escaped her.

Before you knew she had your t shirt pulled up and over your head and had graciously taken your hand in hers as she led you to your bedroom, bed still messed up from where the pair of you had slept that very morning. Stopping in your doorway she turned back to you as her lips once again met yours, her tongue urgently requesting entry as she held your hands up above you, gently but with just enough force to get you to keep them there. After stealing all the oxygen you could hold in your lungs her mouth left yours as she gently nipped along your neck, stopping to lightly bite down on your pulse point; this time it was _her_ marking _you_. You release the moan you had been holding in and feel her smile against you, her mouth moving down to your chest; silently thanking god you didn't put a bra back on after your mid-afternoon shower, a shower ironically spent thinking of moments like these.

You feel her take an already hardened nipple in to her mouth before her hands made their way down to your pants, undoing the drawstring in one quick movement and teasingly rubbing her fingers across your already wet centre. No one has ever made you so turned on in just a few actions but you know just looking at this woman and you'd be ready for her, ready for _anything_. Her mouth leaves your breast as she pulls your pants down helping you lift each leg to rid yourself of them, kissing her way down your legs as she does so.

You aren't sure how much longer you'll be able to stand and she must have sensed this as next thing you know she's pulling you over to your bed and pulling you down in to her lap, her mouth once again meeting yours as you begin to grind into her your hands clasped around her neck. Realising she's wearing far too many clothes for your liking you put your fingers to better use unbuttoning her shirt, silently cursing that she'd changed from the football jersey you had _really _enjoyed seeing her in. You reluctantly remove your mouth from hers to kiss down each strip of bare skin your hands were exposing; you couldn't worship this body enough.

She stood then, your legs wrapped tightly around her waist as her hands gripped your ass; you know she would never drop you, never hurt you; not intentionally. You notice her eyes are almost black as she spins you both around; your back landing with a cushioned thud on your bed, her body moving to cover yours. She quickly stands removing her own pants and underwear and you know that no matter how many times you get to see her in this state each time is just as powerful as the last; and _nothing _could ever compare. She slowly crawls back up your body placing random kisses as she goes before her mouth meets your once again, what starts off gentle soon turns in to a hurried hunger as you feel her enter you; leisurely at first but as she begins to pick up her pace and adds another finger you're sent somewhere only she has the keys to.

It was a good two hours later when you had finally got your breathing back under control and could form a coherent thought let alone a sentence. It had reminded you of the first time you had gotten to touch her, every touch just that little bit harder, just that little bit faster; like neither of you would have the chance to bear witness to such an act again. But you had, multiple times, and as time went on it had only grown in both passion and intensity, everything you couldn't say to each other always came pouring out after dark. And what had begun as a discovery had soon turned in to an addiction. You're bought back around as she turns in your arms and places a gentle kiss to your forehead before speaking; _usually_ by this point she'd be awkwardly fumbling for her clothes, the confidence she displayed above you completely gone as she snuck out in to the darkness. You know that Emily lived her life in silence and breaking out of those shadows had surely broken her, but you were here to put her back together again; hopefully _had_ been putting her together for some time.

"**I just missed you."**


	14. Chapter 14

You wake to the pounding noise that JJ calls her alarm, which she somehow sleeps solidly through; no wonder this woman has so much caffeine flowing through her veins, she _really _liked her late nights. But last night was different, it took where you thought you were in your relationship and pushed it forward enough to know that today everything had changed. You had spent the majority of the past four weeks here, reluctantly returning to your apartment solely for clothes and your mail; it just didn't feel right there anymore, you didn't fit there. You chuckle to yourself; the one place that shielded itself for so long as your sanctuary had bought you to your actual saviour. It held all the memories you were done being a slave to, nights you sat torturing yourself for things you could never change; the past didn't belong with you, not anymore, not when the future looked like _this_.

You turn to look at the woman sleeping next to you, blonde hair spread out claiming the bed as her own, her arm gently draped over you claiming _you_ as her own. No matter how you fell asleep you always awoke with this, JJ laid tucked in to your side like she was afraid to lose even a moments contact. You'd spent the past month learning all the little things that made this woman so amazing; how the first thing she did when she got home was crack open a beer and head straight to the bathroom to wash away her day in a mountain of bubble bath, and how she came to enjoy pulling you in with her, clothed or not. How she was perhaps the world's worst cook, for someone that bragged about her mother's famous meals the woman could barely boil a pan of water successfully let alone an egg, in fact the only thing she was interested in eating was _you_. You smile down at her as she stirs and grips on to you just that little bit tighter before her breathing evens out again. You love that little tired sigh; you love the adorable bed hair she awoke with, mainly due to your rather energetic nightly activities, and you definitely loved the way she looked at you when she opened her eyes, like you were the only thing she saw. In all honesty, you just loved her.

You can clearly remember sitting with Jane in that interrogation room and telling her that _you don't choose who you fall in love with._ At the time you had no idea where those words came from, you had absolutely no frame of reference for such things and Jane wasn't someone that you needed to lie to. You felt for the woman, you really did; she'd become stuck on a memory she'd let define her and it had led her to someone that would ultimately end her. She deserved her life back but that was something you couldn't offer her, and something she clearly didn't want. But looking back now you had to wonder if those words were really aimed at yourself or the blonde that had been right beside you during that very meeting; the same blonde who had been visiting your bed nightly for at least a month by that point. Had you decided there and then that you loved her? Right now the only thing you were sure about is that you loved her now.

She was different yesterday, detached; so wrapped up in her own world she barely noticed anything let alone you. You thought it best to leave her to her office, she'd all but thrown Morgan out for handing in late reports and even Garcia had been asked not to disturb her with anything non case related. You know her friendship with the tech analyst ran deeper than you could comprehend and that meant if she was being shunned that you didn't stand a chance. By some grace of god you hadn't had a case in almost a month, meaning that for once you were all on top of paperwork and for the first time you can remember you were more concerned with getting JJ home than working; if she was going to break down she most certainly wasn't going to do it here. You weren't sure if she even wanted you around but you knew that you couldn't leave her if she did; you couldn't bear to see her in any pain.

After speaking with Hotch and convincing him to let everyone leave a couple of hours early you waited for them all to leave before simply walking in to JJ's office, wordlessly grabbing her coat and bag and taking her by the hand; ignoring the glances you were sure were coming from your boss's office as you led her through the bullpen and down to the parking garage. Though you both arrived and left in separate cars you felt no need to put on a façade, you felt nothing except wanting to console the woman who'd followed you with empty eyes and a look you were certain you never wanted to see grace her perfect face again, not if you could ever help it. You had driven in silence, never once letting go of her hand, she needed to know that you were here, that no matter what you had come too far to turn around and leave her now.

You had run her a bath, slowly stripped her down and headed for the fridge; she hadn't said a word, those eyes still staring straight ahead. It wasn't until you had quietly whispered her name that she had finally looked up at you, and that was all it took for her to breakdown. You had only ever seen those tears once, only ever seen that look once, only seen those empty eyes that came with it just the once. You had no words for her then, and you didn't need them now. You didn't hesitate to get straight in that water fully clothed and hold her while she let everything out; if anything these last few months had proven to you it was that you could always be strong for her, and that you _would_ always be strong for her.

You sat like that until the water went cold but rather than move her you simply let it drain away, hoping that whatever was plaguing her could wash away with it. It seemed like hours later when you had finally got her in warm clothes and in to bed that she finally spoke, spoke of the pain she'd been carrying around for twenty two years to the day. You had never seen her as somebody that was haunted; to you Jennifer Jareau was anything but fragile, but hearing how her sister's suicide had come to plague her you saw that she was just like you, that _she _had something she was running from. And yet she was still so strong in the face of her demons, unlike Jane, unlike yourself, she refused to let that memory define her.

After every last tear had been shed you promised her then that you would do anything you could to protect her from ever having anything else to cry over, and that you never wanted to be the cause of that. You thought that a lot of those who died by suicide didn't want to end their lives; they wanted to end their _pain_ and that you would do anything to ensure JJ never had to carry that around. You had told her that her sister was alive in her, that those tears were a mark of both her love and respect for her and that she should never feel weak for sharing them, especially with you. You had held her tight to you and told her that you didn't think any words could take away the hurt that would ultimately always be there, but that she always had the memories, that no one could ever take away those precious moments from her, no matter how painful at times they might be to recall. And last of all, you had told her that Rachel Jareau would be so proud of the woman she had become today.

It wasn't until hours later as a worn out JJ led sleeping in your arms that you were overcome with such emotion that tears formed in your own eyes. She had spent so long telling you about her sister, how much she loved, respected and missed her; you had laughed along at her stories of their mischievous youth, smiled at photographs of the young pair, all the while falling harder and harder until you could no longer deny it. You were hopelessly in love with her. You were right all those months ago, you don't choose who you fall in love with. You had come to like being the one to save her from whatever it was she needed saving from, but now you didn't want to be her sanctuary, you wanted to be her somebody. You had become a part of each other, become so mixed together that you were struggling to see where you ended and she began, but it didn't matter anymore, all that mattered was her.

**"What are you thinking about so early?" **So lost in thought you hadn't notice JJ staring at you, the life fully back in those gorgeous blue eyes; already finding yourself lost in them, but hadn't you been since you had first dared to really look in to them?

**"Being inside you." **You didn't quite know how to describe the feeling; that you were inside of her as much as she was in you. She had clearly misunderstood you as a devious grin brightened her face as she turned to meet your lips with hers with a hunger that was frightingly powerful, pushing you with some force on to your back as she straddled your hips.

**"Whoa easy there tiger, I meant more than just that." **_Not_ that you were complaining. But as much as you adored what that woman and her hands could do this moment was about everything that couldn't be shown by getting lost in each other, it _needed_ to be said.

**"It's just that you... you... and me...you make me...uh**..." You really weren't going to make much sense with her sat on you staring with that look, the one always there first thing in the morning; such an intoxicating mix of lust and _love_ you know you'd never tire of.

**"Use your words Em" **She cheekily and very teasing lightly scrapes a finger down from your neck to your forearm, just a feather touch; the one move she knows will have you crumbling.

**"Isn't that your job?" **You smile up at her and grab both her hands in yours and hold them in place, not trusting her to keep them to herself while you try and unscramble your brain. **"Sorry, it's just sometimes words aren't enough you know? I don't know if they'll ever be enough to describe this exactly." **And you don't doubt that, you don't think they've even invented words to describe just how amazing the woman on you is.

**"Words might not be enough, but you are." **She leans down to press a gentle kiss to your forehead before reclaiming one of her hands and resting it on your cheek, just gazing down at you in a way only she can; never before have you become so lost in just a look.

**"How do you do that?"**

**"Do what?" **She carefully shifts her weight a little lower so she can place short kisses all over your neck and you're rapidly forgetting what it was you were trying to say in the first place. Trying to get a little control back on the situation you pull her back up a little so you can sit up and rest against the head board, ignoring JJ's hands that are beginning to wander dangerously lower.

**"Never give up on me**." She never had, and you know she probably never would, it was yet another reason you loved her so damn much. You weren't sure what she saw in you, but it was enough that she'd stake everything she had on it, and you felt you had to push yourself that little bit more to ensure she was never wrong. _She_ made you push yourself to all you could be, to _find_ all you could be.

**"Maybe I could have walked away at the beginning, but something always pulled me back. I don't know when it happened, or even how it happened, but it did. I just fell in love with you, it was that simple. Yes, it was painful to sit around and wait for it to become something more, for you to realise that we could be so much more, but it didn't begin to compare to the pain of even thinking of walking away."**

You've never really spoken about it, since you decided to stay around the two of you had avoided talking about how it was you had come together in the first place. You know you had hurt her badly, but you were willing to spend forever making it up to her, you want to _promise_ her a forever, because if she deserved anything, it was that. You softly kiss her before pushing her off you so you can move off the bed; you could never think when she was so close. Pacing the small space of her bedroom you try to put it in to context, the silence all-consuming as you wait for your thoughts to catch up with you.

**"I spent so much of my life moving around that I never really felt like I belonged you know? I made it my mission to find somewhere to really call home, somewhere that I was always welcome, somewhere that was mine. And now, after all these years of struggling to find it? Now I know that home isn't a place, it isn't a feeling...it's you." **She _knew_ you struggled to find your place in the world, she knew your battles with finding yourself so you know she'll understand just how much those words meant. **"I spent so long trying to find this happy place, but now I don't care. You know what I do care about? You, I care about your happiness, even if it isn't meant to be with me; I just want **_**you **_**to be happy JJ. Hell, I know it's with me, because I know without a shadow of a doubt I'm not letting you go now."**

You stopped pacing when strong arms wrapped around your neck and soft lips met yours, so soft at first you barely felt them; It wasn't until those same hands were wrapped up in your hair that your mouth began to react. Your hands took on a life of their own, scraping your nails down JJ's shoulder blades as her tongue battled with yours, lightly biting down on her bottom lip as a groan escaped you. Reaching the small of her back you pulled her shirt off and pushed her up against the wall with a little more force than necessary, the things this woman did to you made your head spin. Your mouth left hers to leave a trail of kisses down her neck, marking her slightly to let the world know that she was yours, and you were most definitely hers. You bought your hands down to slowly ghost over her thighs before reaching behind her and lifting her up in to you as you held her in place against her bedroom wall, your mouth returning to hers before gently whispering in her ear,

"**We need to be at work in an hour and I really need to stop by my apartment, but we will most definitely be continuing this later Miss Jareau."** With one last sensual kiss you release her, ignoring the puppy dog eyes you're currently getting as her hands move to pull you back and flip the two of you around, your back hitting the wall with a thud as her lips reclaim yours with much more of an urgency than before.

"**It's some team building day and seeing as how both you and Morgan are using this as some sort of pissing contest the rest of us are subject to a day of paintballing while you battle it out, and for that you owe me, you owe me big. I doubt they'll mind us being a little late. Don't you know you should always finish what you started Agent Prentiss?"**

You push the two of you back off the wall towards the bed, spinning her round so you land roughly on her, holding both her hands above her head as your lips once again meet hers before kissing across her face and up to her earlobe,** "don't worry, I'll make it up to you."** With one last kiss to her cheek you push yourself up as you grab your keys, smiling at the deep shade of blue JJ's eyes have turned and the flushed red her cheeks have become. You smile to yourself as you walk out to your car knowing you'll be paying for _that_ later.


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: I know I penned this as a continuation of my other story, but I decided not to follow how that path set out so it's now a "loosely based on" story, but hell I wrote it so I figure I can do what I want! I know it's not much of an ending but I've always been awful at finishing things, I did plan to write a little bit more but if not I hope it's wrapped up enough. Thanks for every alert and review :)_

_I still don't own anything to do with criminal minds or CBS, if I did Paget would never have wanted to leave!_

_Oh I also know nothing about paintballing so I apologise if you're some sort of pro and that's not how it's done!_

Second chances chapter fifteen

God that woman drove you crazy, you were glad you got to spend the day shooting at your team members; you needed _something_ to focus on before she turned you in to a completely distracted mess. Just one look, one whisper, before she'd even had a chance to put her hands on you and you needed her, needed to feel her with everything you had. You thought you might have been in love before but it was nothing compared to how you felt whenever Emily was around; looking back now you don't know how you ever survived without her. That you were grateful that every painful moment in your life had lead you here, that everything had fallen apart for her to be there to put you together.

Yesterday was the one day of the year you let yourself fall apart, but this year was what stood out from the rest; you had her there to catch you. Those arms that you spent all year reaching out for had reached out and took a hold of you, and you know it's a place you never want to leave. It had become your one day to torture yourself with regret, focusing everything on what you could have done differently rather than on all the memories you will always have with you, the good memories, those that should be cherished and broken free. You had no room for regrets, her decisions had led to who you were today, it had tested you and it definitely trialled you, but you were still here; and you were stronger than ever. No, yesterday you had put to rest the thoughts that had haunted you for so long, and allowed yourself to remember all the reasons you loved Rachel so much; Emily had told you she was a key factor in whom you were and that she lived on in you, and you would do anything to make her proud.

You stumble blindly in to your office a much needed coffee in hand, how on earth those two had convinced Hotch to a team bonding session that was sure to leave you bruised and sore all weekend you would never know; it definitely wasn't the type of sore you planned on being. He had joked that a little friendly competition kept it all fresh and reminded us why we worked so well together in the first place, however if he knew how much Morgan and Emily were putting in to this thing he might have had other ideas; they had barely spoken all week and last you heard there was a five hundred dollar wager on the winning team. They had won you over when presented with that or the other option of a team weekend at a retreat; you'd pick black and blue over the woods any day. That and Emily put forward a few very good arguments to sway you, all of which made you forget what it was she was trying to get you to agree with in the first place.

You stopped when you noticed the rather large, and beautiful, bunch of flowers placed on your desk chair, just out of view from any one walking past; so _this_ was her little apartment emergency this morning. They were so vibrant in their colouring, it seemed she had literally picked a flower from every bunch in the shop, you knew Emily knew nothing about flowers, which was only a step under what you knew, but she seemed to have a talent for taking what met her eye and making it something spectacular, they really were something else. _She _was something else. The card was blank which made you chuckle, she never really knew what to say. It was then that you notice a neatly wrapped object underneath and pick it up, solid and heavy only this _did_ have writing on it. There on an extravagant piece of card was the unmistakable writing of one Miss Emily Prentiss,

_**I guess we all reach that point in our lives when we must question ourselves and decide between what we want and what we need, my answer to both of those is you, always. Em. xxx**_

Well, when she did find those words they floored you every time. Intrigued you open the package up to reveal a book on butterflies, the one on the cover being one of your very favourites, the Silvery Blue Butterfly. You had sat there last night and told Emily how you and Rachel had spent your childhood fascinated with collecting them, how there was something so appealing about something that could start so plain and yet turn in to something so beautiful. She had told you then that your favourite would always be hers because they reminded her of the colour of your eyes, and to her _they_ were the most beautiful thing. You don't remember mentioning anything about them before last night; like many things you had stopped appreciating their beauty when Rachel had died, but looking at them now you can see how they hopelessly drew you in back then. That was just yesterday, she had only left you three quarters of an hour ago, perhaps even less than that; how had she found this in time to bring it to you this morning?

"**Hey beautiful, before you ask I've had that for a couple of weeks, I've just been waiting for the right time to give it to you; guess great minds think a like huh? Though I still say that they hold nothing to the blue I get to look in to."** You look up to see her leaning casually in your doorway, dressed down in brown sweats and a tee ready for the rather tiring day you have ahead of you. You were a high school athlete, could pretty much run rings around your team, quite literally, but you knew nothing could stand in the way of a determined Emily and Morgan, not when their all-important pride was now at stake.

You watch as she smiles at you, that real smile that brings her eyes to life, and that's all it takes for you to pull her in to your office with a matching smile of your own, albeit for different reasons. Your hand comes up to graze her cheek as the other lightly holds on to her hip, gently holding yourself up; your knees go weak every time she looks at you like that, every time she's _near_ you. **"I love you so much Em."** before she has a chance to respond you cover her mouth with your own, immediately letting your tongue brush her lips knowing she won't deny you, her hands coming up to tangle in your hair pulling you ever closer; you don't think you could ever be close enough. Your hands run up and along her sides as memories of this morning invade your senses, making your nerve endings come alive with want, want solely for her. Before you have a chance to think of anything more your office door flies open and you're met with the face of one Miss Penelope Garcia, wearing what you could only describe as the brightest sportswear you had ever seen, and an even brighter grin.

"**Err Garcia you do realise the aim of paintball is to **_**not**_** stand out and get shot? And while you're there have you ever heard of the fine art of knocking?" **You glare at her as you quickly mouth your apologies to Emily, who's still stood with her finger to her lips, it was one of the things you adored about her; like after all this time she's still mesmerised by it all.

"**Please, the only reason I agreed to this painting nonsense was to see my hunk of love go all Rambo on the dark princess there. And for your information knocking means you miss all the good stuff, now scoot lovers, we've got a show down to get to!"**

You thought you would at least get a moment alone with Emily in the car but with both Garcia and Reid being complete paintball novices you had to spend most of it detailing the aims of the game; all the while trying to hold in a chuckle at Garcia's lack of attention that didn't involve Morgan's abs and Reid's look of sheer terror, action man he most definitely wasn't. As soon as you arrived you knew you were just a blip on Emily's radar, she'd already begun game talk with Morgan, and you winced upon hearing their bet was now up to a thousand dollars; worse than Emily hated losing, she detested ever losing a bet, _especially _where Derek was involved.

"**I think I definitely need to be on your team." **Her eyes met yours as soon as Garcia had dragged Morgan off for a "team tactics talk" and you couldn't think what would be worse, the distraction of Emily or the terror of going up against her.

"**Oh you do you? And why exactly is that?" **Glancing around to check Hotch or Rossi were nowhere to be seen you put your hand on your hip seductively, pushing your chest out just a little; she was the one that left you hanging this morning after all.

"**Well **_**Agent**_** Jareau, you holding a gun is just…wow… and I really think it's unfair of me to face such a distraction." **No one had ever said your name with such desire before, in fact it took all of your self-control _not_ to think back to all the times she had used that title behind closed doors when you were surrounded by the rest of the team and the many cops that didn't realise the effect those two words could really have on you.

"**So it's nothing to do with my crack shot?" **Oh you planned on being quite the distraction for her, she may have had her little bet with Morgan going but you weren't going to pass up the opportunity to tease.

"**Damn…busted." **You could only laugh as she raised her eyebrows and childishly poked her tongue out at you.

"**Yeah I don't think so; watch out Prentiss, one of those little balls has your name on it." **You saw that coy little grin leave her face as the rest of the team came back around, Morgan complete with a rather fetching green action man shirt Garcia had kindly made him. You watched Emily burst out in to fits of laughter as you slyly winked at her; he did look utterly ridiculous.

"**I think it's only fair that if Arnold Swarzenegger over there gets the best shot around that I get Hotch and Rossi as compensation. We'll even throw in Garcia and the Doctor for good measure." **Everyone laughs as Derek practises his impression of the terminator, before sweeping Garcia up off her feet and standing her on a rock to put her mask in place.

"**Sure thing Princess I like a challenge, oh and I'll take my prize in fifties if you can manage it**." Her cheeky wink in response is the last thing you see before she heads off with Hotch and Rossi both shaking their heads and trailing behind; you had a feeling Hotch would be eating his words by the end of this.

Three hours in and you were absolutely exhausted, friendly competition this wasn't; in fact you were pretty sure military exercises were more easy going. So far both teams were drawing with one game apiece and you were in to the deciding round that you were pretty sure was going to stretch on forever; Garcia had already given up over an hour ago and was showing her support with a seat at the little make shift outdoor bar, one you wouldn't mind joining her at. You turn to see Reid walking towards her covered in green paint, both Hotch and Rossi following close behind covered in blue; you weren't too sure what had gone on there but you knew that left only Emily to fend off both you and Morgan. As much as you wanted to support her in this little war with him, you definitely weren't going to pass up the chance to take her out.

You hadn't seen her since the first game, when she took such delight in shooting the hell out of you. You make a mental note to never play this game with weapons certified FBI agents, they have the patience, stamina and determination to drag this thing out for all its worth! You know Morgan will be circling around the perimeter not hesitating to jump in when he detected movement, but Emily was too smart to be caught in an ambush, she would be taking cover up high somewhere; under no doubt that she was watching you now waiting for her opportunity.

Silently heading up in to the trees you catch her crouched down behind some rocks watching Morgan intently; so busy watching her however you failed to check your own gun and find that its completely empty, you can either risk heading back down and her seeing you leaving those two to spend all afternoon circling each other or you could have a little fun. Opting for the latter you quietly place your gun on the ground before getting as close as you can unnoticed, once she's in sight you throw yourself at her as best you can, knocking her gun out of her hand and rolling her on to her back in one swift movement. You can't keep your laughter in as you take in her appearance; she's got a face full of mud that wasn't there when you'd last met.

"**Sorry, I'm all out of ammo, had to improvise." ** You look down at her with a quick wink, watching her biting down on her lip slightly, eyes so dark yet so enticing. She doesn't make any effort to move herself, just slowly brings her hands around to rest on your hips; you were expecting her to calmly flip the two of you over and regain control of the situation, however her eyes never leave yours and the last thing you ever expected were the next words to leave her mouth.

**"I love you; I'm so in love with you it's crazy." **You can barely breathe; you've waited so long to hear those words, waited so long for her. You never expected some grand gesture, never really expected anything; but as you look down at her, the normally so composed agent with a face full of mud breathing heavily under your weight and you know that this moment is perfect.

**"I've never loved someone the way I love you. I just kept falling, and I braced myself for this great crash, because something that powerful was going to hurt, but it never came. And I realised that it never would, that if anything the only thing that could ever hurt me was how much you were hurting. And every day I fall just that little bit more, just…god everything about you amazes me. For the first time in my life something really matters, your happiness is more important than anything, you are more important to me than anything else in this world. And it's not that I can't live without you Jayje, it's that I can't even begin to think about trying, I can't think about anything but you and I'm finally more scared of not being with you than I am having you, is that crazy?" **

You had never heard so many words come out of her mouth, words said with such conviction, such meaning that you choke over any sort of reply. You can do nothing but helplessly stare down at her until your mind can re-evaluate itself. She doesn't seem scared, isn't showing any sign of running, she's so sure of herself and her confidence with you takes your breath away.

**"I think you just found them." **You lean down to remove her mask, gently rubbing a little mud away from around her mouth before claiming her lips with your own, moving your hands down to the back of her neck as you shift yourself down. A small voice in the back of your head telling you that you shouldn't be doing this here, that this moment is not how you want your boss to be able to confirm that you've been sleeping with a co-worker, and even worse; falling hopelessly in love with her. But the biggest part of you can't tear yourself away from her, from that first intoxicating kiss in that hotel room you never could break the connection, not willingly; and right now you don't care who knows, if you had to give up your job, your home, your _dreams_, you would do so in a second.

**"Found what?" **Her voice is no louder than a whisper as you pull yourself away, sucking in all the air you could in to your over worked lungs. She has that adorable look of confusion adorning her perfect face, _god everything about her was perfect, _and it was yet another thing you loved about her; a list that you knew would be endless.

**"Your words...and the girl**." You watch her intently as she leans up on to her elbows, softly blowing the hair plastered to her dirt ridden face. Here she is, sweaty, dirty; sweat pants caked in mud and torn from where she had spent the day flinging herself about and you couldn't picture anything more beautiful than the woman sat before you. You feel her push your hair from your face as she kisses you for all your worth, her tongue dancing with yours as a fire ignites inside of you. She slowly pushes you back up onto your knees, never breaking the connection between you; you're a step away from passing out from lack of oxygen but you couldn't care less, she was the only thing that mattered. Pulling back she stands up, pulling you up with her and taking your hand in hers as she starts to walk off towards the exit; you know all your team are the other way sat at the bar and god only knows where Morgan has ended up, he'd be out there until night fall if it meant winning.

"**Where are we going?" **She just turns and smiles at you, placing a quick kiss to your lips before carrying on, you didn't need to ask; you know you would follow her anywhere regardless of her intentions.

"**To finish what I started."**

That smile says it all, this isn't just about this morning; you _both_ started this thing so long ago.


End file.
